I hope you’ll forgive me if I put the scriptwriting-class-drama down for a moment and attempt not to speak of it. The short of it is that I’ve withdrawn.
What comes next? The good point, which I’d forgotten until just now, is that I’ve got Friday and Saturday off for Independence Day. This means that I probably won’t feel so bad for not having done much today other than clean my bathroom.
Basically, out here, the temperature was around 90° F today. Plus, I don’t live alone, and M’s idea of trying to cool down the house was to open the windows — even though at one point, when I checked, it was 6° warmer outside than inside. (The difference was much more drastic earlier, but I can’t remember the numbers.) In addition, it got so hot in the computer room that I turned off the computer to avoid damage.
This means that although I could have been awake and making art today (I woke to the alarm I’d forgotten to shut off last night, then reawakened after my class would have been over), I was mostly trying to stay still and in the shade, with M’s blessing. The good part about this is that I cleaned my room yesterday (including the top of the bookcase), so at least my surroundings were nice. I had new sheets to sweat in, and everything.
There are also some interpersonal conflicts happening, and one of my family members is relocating. M says that this isn’t the reason she’s been upset, but I don’t believe this is a time to be taking her words on face value.
Beyond this — I did meet with a counselor yesterday. Apparently, so far as things go, withdrawing from this semester will not affect my financial aid — however, starting in Fall 2015, I’ll have to watch out to avoid withdrawing. If I Withdraw from more than half of my attempted units or get below a 2.0 GPA for more than half of my units for two consecutive semesters (and these things may interact with each other), my financial aid will be rescinded.
So it really is a good thing that I’m not going to have to worry about needing to be in classes past Spring 2016. I probably will want to, particularly where Figure Drawing: Special Projects or Figure Drawing: Anatomy and/or Artist as Citizen and/or Beginning Gallery Management and/or Islamic Art History come in, but it’s optional. I know that certainly after Fall 2016 I will want to be either honing my digital skills (though I’ve already been introduced to basic Illustrator and Photoshop — I’d be looking at InDesign I, Photoshop II, or Illustrator I), or looking for a new job and/or internship. In the meantime it will be good to nurture the art and make as much money at my current job as is feasible.
Speaking of which — I’m thinking of doing this without pulling in special help. When I got my first job (the one I’m in now) I was really fairly afraid of people. (I was a scared young volunteer.) But that was about 5 years ago, and I’ve gotten better with both confidence and interpersonal communication. Still, though — you know, it’s my first job, and my supervisor knows that for a lot of us, it will be our first job.
I’m fairly certain that I don’t want to continue on in the library for the rest of my life. Even being a Clerk…how is that better than working the cash register at someplace like a local art store? As a Clerk, I’d still probably have to be on circulation for three or four hours every day, and I worry enough about my two hours as it is. (I have noted, though, that my anticipation of having to be on desk is worse than actually being on desk.) Probably the only benefit to being a Clerk instead of a Cashier is that there’s less money to steal…
Then there’s the fact that my current supervisor knows that I still have some aversion to people, and so may not recommend me for a front-line position. Which may really be good, in the long run. It just means, though, that I’ll need to look for a position which is not a public service position. The issue with this (which probably also applies to a lot of younger job seekers as well) is that non-service positions seem more or less invisible.
Hmm. Maybe I do want to take one or two of those positions with the help of the college — working for a nonprofit org. as an artist, and/or working in a gallery. If I hang in there with Modern Art History, I should be pretty well prepped to take the Gallery position, after getting my AA.
Maybe I should enlist the help of the State, too (beyond EDD), if I can’t find a good job within a few months after the end of the Gallery and/or nonprofit classes. I’m told that having stayed in this position for as long as I have is counted as a success, and so I’d be taken back, even though I’ve found I don’t want to settle into this field.
The thing about this is just that I hate to act like I have a disability, even though that is part of my makeup. (Maybe it wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t been subject to so much peer abuse, but that’s…water under the bridge.) Last time…I was placed with a counselor who would stay with me until I got a job. This actually really helped. Of course, I was also seeking a job at the height of the Recession, so people were retiring everywhere and at one time there were something like 400 applicants (that’s a low estimate — it may have been something like 600 applied and 400 showed up for the test) for four open positions at a nearby library.
Anyhow — it’s late, and my mind is showing it.
Maybe getting the State’s help isn’t a bad idea…but I just shouldn’t depend on them as heavily this time, given that the last time was an introductory course in How to Get a Job. This time, I’ll be in How to Get a Job II. 😉 (okay, getting loopy — good night!)