It’s cold and dark. Lots to do, but not all of it, necessary.

What’s sad is that it’s so cold that the computer warming my lap is welcome. I didn’t get any work done on my paper tonight, so far, and it’s taken an intentional effort for me to write here instead of space out watching the television and waste the time that way. It would take an even larger intentional effort for me to work on art.

In comparison, reading seems fairly…well, passive. Those two books I crammed into one night a couple of weeks ago, I can barely remember, now. It makes me want to re-read them just for the sake of writing up a review, and write the reviews for the sake of my own recall.

I haven’t been on this blog as much, recently. After finishing my ePortfolio, I have basically gone into reading. It’s difficult to have content to put up here without going through the additional process of living. It’s also difficult to live after having gone through as intensive a process of study as I’ve been involved with.

And…a lot of time and energy has been concentrated on obtaining things. Mostly, texts; but also some other stuff, like winter and professional clothes, and stuff for art and writing. But I think I spoke about that in past posts.

My due date for my term paper got extended to the middle of next week (as versus what looked like tomorrow night). At this point, I’ve re-read the applicable chapter, and looked some terms up, prior to doing hardcore research. The major issue I’m having now is not knowing my exact, most productive search terms, but I should be able to find those out in the process of searching.

I just…get anxious about searching. If you knew what kind of anxiety I have to deal with on a daily basis, you would know how much I hate routinely exploring online, on my own machine. Of course, I’m running a system which I’ve tried to make safer, but still.

So…I should probably get a plan together for the next three days. I know I want to have the majority of my research done by Sunday night, and to be writing by Monday. What really threw me off was going to work this last Wednesday; I should probably have held off for two more weeks. I just thought that since I would technically only be working on one class, it would be okay to have fewer available hours to study.

But also — it is a Master’s program.

Huh. It’s also harder to write here, I think, because most of my recent writing has been academic. It has been easier to channel my creativity into academic work, however. I’ve been wondering whether “arts” are just the most recognized outlet of creativity…

Aside from all of this, I still need to help clean the house, do some laundry, and…I think that’s about it. If I get my term paper done, I should be able to work on cleaning the house by Thursday, though I should work on my laundry before then.

And water the plants. And take another shower.

I think I’ll be okay. Today and yesterday were rest days. Tomorrow is work and study. The two days after that should be wholly study, and I can try and get this thing in early if I need to (just to have it over with), though I can also edit on Tuesday, given that I need to use APA format (and writing to a format is not easy).

Overall, I think my energy feels sapped because it’s cold and I haven’t been getting enough light. It is an idea to get out and start my day earlier, or to use the mood light in the morning. It looks like the sun is coming up at about 7:15 these days, so that’s about 9-10 possible hours of natural light.

It’s also possible that my energy feels sapped because I’m recovering from the stress of completing my ePortfolio, but I’m sure the season has something to do with it, too.

As well, I’ve noted tonight that I need to lay off drinking juices, again. For the last three weeks, I’ve been off of tea (camellia tea, I mean) and chocolate, due to heart flutter; and I think drinking sugar (and stress) has caused me to gain 2-3 pounds. Not too happy about that, but most of my clothes should still fit, as I got them recently.

I know I should still be able to drink kombucha, kefir, coconut water, and limited vegetable juices, in addition to barley tea and caffeine-free herbal tea (mint, chamomile, rooibos, elderflower, hibiscus, ginger, etc.).

That does make me feel better…

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Feeling optimistic.

It’s fairly amazing, how fast things are changing. As has been stated, my Culminating Experience requirement has been turned in, so I know I’m graduating. My paper for my other class, however…has not been. The major push on this is for me to actually learn something with my term paper. I have until Saturday to get that done, which will be…a lot of work. But it all ends, this week, and it looks like it’s going to be all right.

Yesterday…I think it was yesterday, we went and visited J-town, a.k.a. Japantown, a.k.a. Nihon Machi. We had originally intended to go to a Christmas fair, but there was an accident on the freeway, and — to be honest, I wanted to go to Japantown, more. This was largely to visit a stationery store that has pens you can try out.

I didn’t realize for a long time, that the value I put on writing, reading, design, and art, might be related to my ethnic heritage. But it’s weird, in that…I think it is. (I wouldn’t have known why without looking into it, though.) I ended up buying a clear Pilot Prera fountain pen with a Calligraphy Medium nib. I AM NOT DISAPPOINTED AT ALL!

It’s actually really beautiful, in both form and function. I’m also glad that I took the trip over there to compare and try the pens. I wouldn’t have known that I actually really did want a stub nib, otherwise.

I also got a little Rilakkuma and a Korilakkuma plushie. So, two. They are…entirely too cute. I still haven’t cut the tags off of them, though! I haven’t decided whether to put them away so they retain their value, or play with them like the stuffed toys they are.

For some reason I never got into human-looking dolls, but plushies are different (like that whole Beanie Baby thing I got into, in high school). One of my parents used to animate them for me (given the chance, I think they still would). πŸ™‚

So…I really don’t need Christmas presents, at this point! Actually, I am not sure what, if anything, is happening for Christmas, although it will probably be drama-ridden.

I also have the subject of my final paper selected…which was helped by going to the bookstore across from the stationery store. One book is called Bad Water…I’m thinking it will be interesting reading, when I have time. I’m pretty sure it’s about environmental crises in the 19th and 20th centuries, in Japan; which ties in with my awareness of the itai-itai (an illness from toxic mine drainage) stuff. I think they may be talking about the same things.

I know I have to get through this next week: but that’s more for me, than for anyone else. Then I have to get on finding a new job…and I can rev up to more hours at work, to try and acclimate myself to working more. I can also do some reading to help me out for when I do become a Library Assistant or Librarian (I have two slim volumes I had to take off my desk because I had books everywhere); and I can get back to studying my coding and Japanese language! And I can write stuff that doesn’t have to be written! Awesome!

I’m also intending to read a lot more that I haven’t gotten the chance to, while in school…

I should note that as I was cleaning up the books that were littered everywhere, I realized that having paper volumes let me know what resources I had at my disposal, while digital volumes go unseen. It’s a reason to buy things in hard copy (two of these books I need to buy next year, when their new editions come out), though then there is also the fact that they are not backed up to the cloud.

However, I don’t have to have an e-reader or a computer to read them, so I never have to worry about my device running out of battery, dying, or otherwise failing.

…I’ve been dealing with this in Collection Development (the tension between print and digital)…can you tell? πŸ™‚

Time crunch.

So it seems we’re ramping up to the holidays, faster than (at least) I expected. I’ve decided to skip the bead show, this year. I already have too many beads, and I haven’t really been using them at all. Hoarding more beads, I think, would just make me feel bad.

Especially knowing that I’m not intending to go into beadwork as a money-making venture, at this point. Cost-recovery is something else, but beadwork is an expensive habit, and I don’t even wear much jewelry and I haven’t been crafting. I would be more encouraged to sell on Etsy, but even that isn’t really worth it unless we look at how much money I’m losing for not being otherwise employed (plus I am not sure whether or not the last computer bug I got was from Etsy).

The alternative, it looks like, is to start my own website or find a better sales platform, and I’m not doing the first until I can take a serious cybersecurity class.

It also seems that I forgot to mention in my last post that we went out with my Godmother on Wednesday, for lunch. It was supposed to be a little meeting, and ended up lasting until 8 PM. I likely would have done better to stay at home and work, but then again, I did get to try a really good frozen drink at the Vietnamese restaurant we frequent.

The drink itself, I hear, is like the Philippine halo halo, or…well, you can look it up. I don’t really know much about it! I got it because it was listed as having three types of beans and coconut milk. It did have coconut milk, but the other two, “beans,” aside from the azuki beans, were sweetened plantain (so far as I could tell) and slightly sweet agar.

I don’t know, either.

But since I like plantain and coconut and azuki, I was pretty happy. πŸ™‚ Until M almost drank all the coconut milk out of it. That was unfortunate.

There’s something else happening tomorrow that I am wondering whether to skip. It’s basically a festival where stuff is sold. I know I really don’t need to go and I kind of don’t want to go. I mean, it’s just a chance to spend money. The thing that’s giving me pause is whether to go in order to share the experience with my family — which I’m also leaning against, because I have an assignment due Monday night which I haven’t really started yet.

If I were looking to go into business and work shows like this…that’s something else, but that’s kind of not where I’m headed at this point in my life.

I’m really not sure. If I don’t want to go, my family may not see the point in going, either…which isn’t the outcome I want.

I suppose the best thing I can do now is get to work on my homework so that I can complete it on Monday…and if I have an extra Sunday to work on my portfolio, so much the better…

And then, I just realized: it would be different to go to the bead show to see the current state of the market, if I wanted to go into Jewelry Design. That …is an entirely different angle.

Because of my work in my grad program, I realized that drafting a set of rules as to what I would and wouldn’t buy, would help me not overspend. This is with an aim to end-use. I want to do stuff with macrame and size 6ΒΊ (Czech) and 8ΒΊ (Czech and Japanese) seed beads, possibly with small (3-5 mm) druks (round pressed glass beads) and fire-polished faceted round beads. The thing is, what is seen in person are often limited-run specialty glass…

Ehh…I’ve got to think about this, some more…

Life happens when you’re trying to study

Well… well. I’ve been here only on and off recently, because I’ve been focusing my energies elsewhere (on schoolwork), but right now I don’t entirely feel like working. I was up until 2 AM last night, working on this stuff, and into the early morning the day before, as well (1:30 AM). I had to take a nap in the afternoon, today; I just wasn’t motivated to get back to it, so soon.

It is amazing, though, how much more I get done by doing work, rather than warming up first by writing about working. I have also noticed, though, the mental difference between writing by hand and typing. I go back and revise while working, much more when I’m typing. It’s easier to rephrase and rearrange what I’m doing, which I’ve noticed happening a lot, recently.

On a different frequency:

My tomato plant…is fruiting. I raised this one from a seed, so I’m a little sad to see it reach the end of its life. It’s kind of just been in the back of my mind, about how it started off so little, grew to be maybe four feet tall, and is giving me little modest presents before it dies. People talk about the tomatoes that “I” grew, but the plant grew them for me; I didn’t grow them. I kept the plant alive for months; that’s my contribution.

It was easier on me to grow an annual, though. It’s less of a psychological burden, knowing that you only have to take care of it for about six months. And if it dies early, it doesn’t seem that big a deal. But it’s another thing to have your baby that you’ve cared for all its life, giving you little things to eat, and you know it isn’t going to be around much longer. (Which seems a little silly when you had to thin out seven other little plants to give this one all the resources it needs.)

We’ve had to stake it up, actually, because it grew so big that it couldn’t support itself. One day I was even sitting next to it and saw a branch almost fall off! We put stakes in and I tied the branches up, and amazingly, that piece that almost fell off, is still alive. It must have healed somehow, or the sap could flow from the main stem to the branch alright, even though it was broken.

It was part of a little kit my folks got for me from a company called Back to the Roots. The kit contains a planter with what’s called an, “olla pot,” which is a terracotta pot that stores water and gradually dispenses it to the soil when it gets dry. I’ve had to water it much more frequently, since it got big.

It actually has been a bit of a profound experience, to grow this. I kind of feel like I connect really well with plants (and I’m fairly sure it has to do with gender and quietness). I need to ease up on watering the succulents, though.

Let’s see, what else:

There is a bead show coming up in about two weeks. I’m undecided as to whether I’ll go or not; I am leaning towards, “not,” but it will be an opportunity to stock up on Czech seed beads and pressed glass beads, in-person. I haven’t been able to do beadwork at all, since I started working hardcore on my Culminating Experience. Not only that, but I’ve cut my work hours down, so I don’t have as much money to spend, there.

I just consulted with D, who says that if I get ahead on my work by that time, I might consider going to it.

Right now, I know I have a paper to turn in by Monday night. It shouldn’t be too hard, but then again I need to review the prompt. On top of that is my portfolio work, which I can likely say that I’m more than halfway through, at this point.

It’s basically the case that I can get through one essay roughly every two days, give or take. But I don’t want to leave all this work to the last minute, which is why I gave up the extra work hours, and why I’ve been working so hard on my essays.

Today…I visited a fabric shop. M had to get some fabric for a new project; in turn, I was able to see some garments which were made using patterns that the store apparently carries? It actually made me want to try my hand. The thing is that I need more clothes that fit, and will especially need them after I begin to work more days out of the week.

It’s been brought up that instead of the Misses’ pants that I’m currently wearing, most of which tend to fall down without a belt, I might need to move to a smaller-numbered size in Womens’ Petite. Womens’ sizes are cut for larger bodies, and Petite would be shorter and more curvy.

I am very strongly considering wearing more clothes cut for female bodies, basically because of fit considerations. The thing is that I may need a smaller size number in a larger cut. The reality is that I’m now in my mid-thirties, and I’ve, eh, been growing into my body.

While I did lose a good deal of weight recently (about five pounds in three days, if I recall correctly) because of a bout of food poisoning, I’m gaining it back. And I don’t hate it. I’ve known people who have had eating disorders; what I’ve learned from them is that it’s better to be a little heavy than it is to be anorexic or bulimic. Another thing I’ve been learning is that right now, I look fairly…Polynesian, even though most of my genes are a mix of Asian and African.

I’ve also reached a level of security with my body, where I know that what conclusions others draw about who I must be because of what I look like, are generally wrong. It could also be wrong that my doctor assumes I’m overweight because of my height combined with my weight; I have potential tendency to heaviness on both sides of my family, even though (like M) I was very thin, as a youth. My sibling has also filled out as they have aged, though, so that’s another cue that my doctor may be wrong about her supposition that because I’m heavier than average, that this needs correction.

So this knowledge makes me a bit more secure in being okay about my weight. I know that some of it is definitely coming from medication, which is leading me to be more moderate in how much I eat. (Two of my medications tend to delay satiety.)

After graduation, though, I can try again to get off of the medication which is causing most of the weight gain — the problem is, it is rather notorious about being difficult to stop, without causing symptom relapse. But if I can cut down the dosage or get off of it, the slow, incremental weight gain should reverse, and from my last attempt, I know that my abdomen should slim a good bit (abdominal fat is basically the side effect I am most annoyed/concerned about, due to the fact that it can have adverse health effects).

But yeah; if I became a Library Assistant or Librarian (the latter of which, I should be able to very soon), I could wear dresses and skirts without worrying about getting them on the floor. The thing I know about dresses is that the ones I’m more comfortable with, actually don’t show too much of my body. On top of that, I’m more comfortable now with earrings and long hair — I got most of the damage cut off, recently, and the existence of a certain Samoan football player with hair like mine (Troy Polamalu), does make me feel a lot better about having and keeping long hair.

So…I guess things are more alright than they have been, at least where it comes to me and my feelings about my embodiment. I’m not sure whether this is due to age and maturity, or what…I am actually glad, though, that I haven’t so far opted for testosterone or surgery, because in my own eyes, I look really nice right now. I have no ill feelings toward my chest (except for feelings of exposure when too many details show through), and I’ve basically ceased to want to be male…especially since I’ve started settling as gender non-binary. I’m not entirely sure why it’s stopped, except I know now that what I am now is easier for me to live with, than who I was when I was upset that my body wasn’t someone else’s.

It also helps to have birth control. I feel less vulnerable on it, and it makes my body give me less trouble. The thing about it, though–! is that I’m pretty sure it’s making my chest bigger. πŸ™‚ I’m…not totally opposed to this! But especially since I’m growing, I should really start checking more regularly to make sure I don’t have cancer. Not doing self-exams is just one of those things that I got used to when I was ignoring my chest. Now I see it as kinda special (probably helped by the fact that I call them “my dudes”). ;D

Yes, it can be a little difficult to balance this with wanting to use an eyebrow filler to see what I would look like with a beard πŸ™‚ but…it’s OK. Wanting to play around with that is OK, I mean. πŸ™‚ I think maybe it has to do with seeing and getting to know a lot of “normal” people, and realizing that most of them have back stories and inner lives I know nothing about and can’t predict from their appearance. From that, I’ve gotten to kind of realize that I’m lucky. I have my flaws (some of which I’m growing out of), but to myself, I’m still beautiful.

And I realize that everyone is beautiful, to someone.

Recovering.

Right now, I’m just writing so I’m not in bed. For the past four days, I’ve been dealing with food poisoning (and the course of recovering from food poisoning). This morning when I weighed myself, I had lost almost five pounds — though I’m not sure how much of that is due to dehydration and how much is because, until about 24 hours ago, I couldn’t digest food.

I was going back and forth between writing this out by hand, and writing this out online…I guess you can see which won out. I intended to journal last night and ended up dropping off to sleep by accident — twice!

Last night was a little worrisome, too. Because I couldn’t keep anything in, I hadn’t taken my regular medication. So when I realized I had double vision at about 8:30 PM, I didn’t know if it was from dehydration, lack of food, reading things too close for too long, electrolyte imbalance, or withdrawal. I took medication early last night and tried to drink as much water as I could, and it did self-resolve (thankfully).

I also realized that the wedge pillow I got to do computer work in bed, also works really well to allow me to read in bed, and to prevent me from experiencing what might be the beginnings of sleep apnea. (I think I’m snoring, that is, and I think the snoring is leading to anxiety while asleep, about not being able to breathe — though that might better be categorized as a panic attack.)

So basically…Tuesday night I started feeling sick, and Wednesday was just a wash. If I hadn’t taken the time off of work previously, I would have been (seriously) sick at work. Yesterday, I did manage to work on my homework for Collection Development (the Prof finally put up the correct link, and I read through the assigned chapter). Nothing much else has happened, except I realized how much of Intro to Marketing I had forgotten, while reading about Marketing. (I need to rework that section of my ePortfolio.)

Except — I did start reading in this book I got a while ago, called The Filter Bubble: How the New Personalized Web is Changing What We Read and How We Think, by Eli Pariser. I think it was copyrighted in 2011, and it’s regarding the Web, so I’m kind of surprised it’s still accurate. It’s about how Web search algorithms have been designed to show us what it predicts we’ll want to read, and how that isolates us from ideas outside of that.

Immediately when I was reading it, I started thinking about the widening political rifts going on in my own country, and how much of it may be due to people never being exposed to ideas outside of what they already think. I’m pretty sure Pariser isn’t saying we should stop using the Internet, but rather as with any form of technology, we need to be aware of the hazards inherent in how it works (which are largely hidden from us, and the workings of which, none of us entirely understand).

And yes, I do want to get back to my art, but it looks like I’ll need to be working on completing this degree for about the next month, pretty seriously. I’m just glad I’m not drowning in assignments, yet.

I’m also glad I allocated myself enough time that I could just forget about my work for a day, and it’s probably going to be all right.

For the rest of today…I should get on finishing my other two readings. One of them is 53 pages long, so I doubt I’ll get much else, done. Tomorrow, unless I get sick again, I should be going in to work. Then there is a Discussion Post to do, and the rest of that time — unless I start working on my Collection Development paper early, I should be able to work on my ePortfolio.

Straightening out my thoughts.

Okay, I’m going to take some time to write, now. Today…well, today…what happened? Shopping, mostly. I did pick up some good things to eat, which is positive. I also tried some French Brie, today. Usually, Brie is a bit strong for me, and textured like compacted dehydrated tofu, but this is creamier and milder. I like it! We also got some pears, and organic grapes, so this is going to be good. πŸ™‚

I was also able to do some reading. I understand now why the reading is given over a week, which makes sense given the density of this chapter.

No work done on the ePortfolio, today. At least — yet. (It’s 9:30 PM right now, though I have work tomorrow, so I shouldn’t stay up until 2 AM, like I can.) I’m hoping I won’t need to drop Collection Management later on, in order to get this done. What I have realized, though, is that it’s possible to draft the majority of a Competency essay in one day. Filling in the gaps is something else, as is tracking down evidence, but the latter isn’t hard. The former is what may require extra work.

I’m aiming to get a first draft of all my essays done, by Halloween. (After that, I have roughly 20 days to edit anything remaining.) Today was the 40th day before Halloween. I have 39 remaining. If I can’t think of anything to do, I should read over some of the ePortfolio examples. I think it would diminish apprehensiveness, and keep me from wasting time.

Just yesterday, I was out taking care of some mental health stuff. I did raise the alert about my last remaining major psychological issue, which I’m working on now. I just hope it doesn’t take up too much of my mental space, when I need my mental space for these next 39 days.

But I can do this, right?

I’ve also gotten the idea to write a biography. I probably, should. In my writings elsewhere, I essentially began this. Maybe I’m feeling pressed for time because I spent two days, basically, drafting this.

That’s probable.

There’s that, and the sleep hygiene thing, where I stayed up late Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and crashed on Thursday. And the Saturday and Sunday prior, I was drafting the narrative. Meaning…what was I doing on the Thursday and Friday prior?

Looks like I was blogging and getting over being sick. That sounds about right! And the week prior to that (Wednesday to Wednesday), I was wiped out with a cold. Less than a week before then, our visitor left.

So it’s not as bad as it looks. What I need to be okay about is not starting new activities to distract myself from working on my ePortfolio and my work in Collection Development. The biographical writing and the blogging on art and gender are the two things that I have done that I haven’t absolutely needed to do, though both have been constructive, even if disruptive.

I suppose I can’t block life out all the way, can I?

And I can deal with it if I have to turn in my interview late (or not at all). I’m already in an Honors Society and I’m in my last semester of classes. A “C” won’t ruin me.

How in the world can I say that? πŸ™‚

Reviving a distant desire to become an Art Librarian?

Today, I was asked to think about what my plans were for post-graduation life, and into the next few years. I’ve been so busy thinking about how to get through the present that I realized that I had not planned things out, realistically, even to three years into the future.

I know that I plan on getting a job as a Library Assistant after graduation. I know after that lies librarianship, and that I have the goals of learning Japanese language, learning to drive, and learning to cook (more) in front of me. Also there is the possibility of learning to code…though I’m not as excited about that as I used to be.

So…depending on how the coding goes, I’ll know if I want to move further into the technical aspects of Web Development, or just stick with Web Design or Web Production. If I become fluent in Japanese language, I will be able to work with Japanese special collections. Once I can get deeper into my Web Design reading, I’ll have a better idea of whether I want to move forward with that path, as well.

I’ve been advised against Marketing, however (it conflicts with my ethics) — which then might severely limit my Web Design options — and against Web Programming (where making something which is only “mostly” right, is about as good as making nothing). An old acquaintance of mine replied,Β “but I don’t want to!” when I told her she could always get better at drawing. I kind of feel that way about Web Programming, at this point.

What I have done within the last few days…hmm. I started in on playing with some sashiko embroidery (it’s relatively impressive compared to nothing, but still a little embarrassing — I know, don’t judge first trials harshly), got my sashiko threads cut, bundled and tied, got a couple of Japanese thimbles to practice stitching in a Japanese technique (they fit around the middle finger)…got a hera (scorer) for tracing patterns and some circle templates for sashiko pattern-making, plus white transfer paper. This is with an eye to making one or more furoshiki (wrapping cloths), leaning towards more than one.

I’m also not sure, now, whether to make pants with my ikat and/or batik, or to make one or more skirts (that fit) with it. I’ve been appreciating clothes that fit, better, since I got up to size 16. There is beauty to being heavier; most of the aesthetic issues I’ve run across deal with being without clothes of the right size, or only having clothes which don’t fit well.

Today I also went and got a larger stake for my tomato plant (it decided to list heavily to one side, recently), and repotted a bunch of succulents (which, amazingly, didn’t seem to need it; their root systems were still very compact. Either that, or I accidentally broke them off). I haven’t shown any pictures of what the succulents look like, now. Generally, the stems have gotten longer and the lower leaves have begun to die.

Also, I’m not sure if it has to do with limited sunlight from being indoors, but the special colors that some of them used to have (yellow, maroon, violet), have faded into more greenish shades.

The stalk that was on one of them (the one which used to be silvery blue) flowered, and is now dying. I think the plant itself is an Echeveria because the stalk came from the side of the main stem (not the center), and the rest of the plant seems as healthy as ever. There’s another type which flowers and then dies (Sempervivum, I think, which is ironic given the name), but my plant doesn’t look like the photos of those.

I’m not sure if I’m transitioning into a person who has a “real job” and “hobbies.” I really don’t know. Especially since I’m not sure I’ll want to continue on in the Library field. I’m completing the degree so that I’ll have the option to have a gainful career: the window in which I will have the luxury of the possibility of extended schooling…won’t last forever. At least, unless I’m gainfully employed. Even then, I can’t imagine being able to save up enough money to take two or three years off for study, again. (Unless, that is, I became a Professor.)

The plants are good as pet surrogates…it gives me something to care for and watch grow, which in turn helps me feel better about the passage of time. Though yes, they were cuter as babies. πŸ™‚ I also now have five empty small pots in which I can put new plants. πŸ™‚ I should wash them out on the porch, tomorrow.

I’m pretty sure M is looking forward to my being able to go back to my art, but at this point…I’m not sure of the value of it, unfortunately. Though I have envisioned making some posters — or paintings — for my room, now that I’ve begun to hang some of my work. I see the value of covering blank walls now, that is.

I just get frustrated with working only in 2-D. There’s also the subject matter issue. If I do get the chance to take art classes again…Painting (and not just the skill of painting, but philosophies behind why to paint, and why we paint what we do) would be something I’d be interested in. My community-college Art program was relatively light on Art History and Art Criticism. I might have the chance to go for an MFA, but that’s a best-case scenario…one which I was engaged with at the beginning of my Library Science program.

It is possible for me to go back for an MFA and then become an Academic Librarian at an Art College, a specialist in the Arts for a Public Library, or an Archivist or Special Librarian for a Museum. I mean…if I had an MFA, I would actually be in the running for one or more of those jobs. With an AA (as I have now), I just don’t have the subject-area expertise (although I’m told I don’t need subject-area specialties, necessarily; but why would someone hire me over someone who has a BA or MA level degree in the Arts?).

Maybe I should be giving that more thought. I would likely need Library experience (greater than I have now), and I need more breadth of skill if I’m going to run all aspects of a Special Library. But classes to expand the latter are attainable, and so is the possibility of the former. If I keep up with my studies…I also may be able to get grants to finance my way through school (especially as I’m already in an Honors Society).

Then, I would just have to choose between an MA in Art History or an MFA in Studio Art. By the time I’m done with this and become established in a Special Library job…I might be towards the potential end of my career.

But maybe I should set my sights high?

I’m reminded again that I am an Arts and Humanities person, not a primarily technically-oriented one. Maybe the passing on of culture is something I’d like to get involved in…and I wonder if I can bring my interest in, “publishing better on the Web,” into this, somehow?