Stressing, a bit, but I know why:

We decided today that I’m going to try and just stop the Prozac. I’ve been on 1/3 of a normal dose for about a month, 1/2 dose prior to that…and my belly has appreciably gone down with each reduction.

Right now I’m mostly concerned about school starting, again. And that’s largely because I’m in a four-week, 1-unit class that I’m probably about to hate (it’s on politics)…but I have to take it to fulfill a graduation requirement. Avoiding working on the reading for that, early, has pretty much killed this last week of Winter Break.

It could also be a touch of the Prozac not protecting me as adequately from depression. My sleep schedule has been messed up since I went down to 1/3 of a dose, and that — plus work stress, plus procrastination — is likely why I’m feeling so down.

There’s that, and realizing that I don’t really have to become a (Public) Librarian…and that I’m not really getting compensated enough at my job for everything I’m doing.

I think if a potential employer asked me why I was exiting the Library field, my answer would be, “ideology.” But I’ve got to deal with the ideology if I want to finish this last year.

I’m also in a MySQL course, which looks interesting but difficult. Then there is a class on reference interviews (useful for employability…I’ll leave it at that), and a class on teaching (not looking forward to that, but also useful for employability).

Summer should be interesting, and Fall (my last semester, depending) will likely be a bit stressful, but I should have fulfilled all of my requirements, by then.

I think it would be different if work wasn’t being a pain and if I weren’t being undercompensated and pushed into work that a Clerk should be doing. But I guess that’s what you get when you have the option to only go in for 11 hours a week. It would probably also be different if I had the option to just go straight for an Information Science degree and not worry about the ALA graduation requirements.

On top of that…there should be some celebrations coming up, and I honestly don’t know if I’ll have the energy. The good thing is that by the end of February, I should be back down to only having to deal with 9 units (which was hard enough last semester! — though, again, that was due to one single class).

I suppose, also, I don’t have to work myself to the bone like I did last semester (and I shouldn’t be looking forward to a semester of no play…I just hate to end the creativity trip right when I start being able to do it well again). I ended up getting all three grades in the A range in Fall 2017, which should adequately balance out that C- I got in Beginning Cataloging in Spring 2017.

Then there’s the **** portfolio and making sure ALL of it is backed up (more than once)…and rebuilding the portfolio because I didn’t know what I was doing the last time…

Hey, I guess on the bright side, maybe I’ll have the time and opportunity to take a second Programming class in Fall…


So I find myself with a free half-hour.

Although it is very apparent to me that my Cataloging class is discouraging me from the career path I laid out for myself (though this is largely not my fault), it still looks like more of a match than Digital Services.  It may be as well that Information Organization is a better name for it, than calling it “Cataloging;” the latter puts too much emphasis on whether I do well in this class.  And hey:  if I get a “D” on the first test, I have four others to get “A”s on.

At this point I do realize that maybe Library work (as versus Information Science)…isn’t so bad.  My interests and values do run along this line, and now that I am getting a deeper taste of what Information Services actually entails, it doesn’t put me off as much.  I consider myself very much a Humanities person, which would seem to be something without much value, outside of this enclave.

What I can see is that there is a fairly large problem historically in the American Library field around validation and inclusion of different races and cultures (very apparent when looking at the development of the field)…but I’m a person who can help tackle that.  In addition, in my area the librarians and library staff are, as I’ve said before, pretty chill.  And everybody dislikes dealing with difficult people (even Librarians have to turn to each other for support), not just me.

I did find a quotation a while back…which I’ve forgotten, but the gist of it was that the vast majority of jobs in the U.S. are presently service jobs.  Given that, what percentage of the population actually wants to work a service job?  And what is the alternative?  Manufacturing?  Agriculture?  (Okay, well, agriculture could be interesting, too…)  I think those were the two categories other than service.  Important, yes, but Information Services are also important…in a country run by the people wherein the people are kept ignorant, it becomes far too easy for the people to make decisions that impact themselves and others negatively.

Alright, I have to get back to work, but I wanted to note this.  Maybe when I get home I can work on my Dewey reading and homework…