Planning possibilities for time — Fall 2018

My sleep pattern is still messed up from Las Vegas. I took a 7-hour nap, today. I also did a little bit of research, given that Fall registration closes, shortly: I would rather not take an internship this next semester, given that one of the more likely positions I would take, had an application deadline which passed 5 months ago.

I also checked for internships in the place we’re thinking of moving to; none of those are any longer open. There is the possibility of working within my own system…but it’s quite far away.

M also says I should be working on graduating. I’m thinking that it’s possible that I will need to schedule time to work on my ePortfolio and stick to it, like a job. Because it is, basically, preparation for a job. From M-F, I should be putting in at least 2 hours, a day, for a total of 10 hours, a week.

I think if I have a scheduled time to stop, it will be easier to commit to starting. Right now what I’ve been doing is checking things online every so often, as they arise. I did drop the class which would have been my third for Fall, yesterday. This means I’ll only have Collection Development, my ePortfolio project, and a possible change of jobs to deal with, for Fall.

I’m also thinking about what I want to put my time, into. I do want to get back to studying nihongo (Japanese language), and it seems my time online might be better spent, learning Web Programming…though the latter isn’t that appealing right now, obviously. I just want to give it another shot, after Fundamentals of Programming: I have a feeling online tutorials might be better than that class was.

Aside from that…obviously, there’s a lot I could do and a limited amount of time in which to do it. Beadwork is what I want to do most immediately, after having spent so long trying to avoid it. Then sewing skills could allow me to make and alter my own clothes, which will be useful. I still have the toile (muslin trial) of that Folkwear monpe (field pant) pattern, to work on. (I’ve stopped because I’ve realized that doing the whole thing by hand is inefficient, especially on long straight seams; I’m not as comfortable with the sewing machine.)

On the other hand, making images would help a lot where it comes to Web Publishing. I can see printmaking, painting, and drawing being helpful, for that. I might want to deal with CGI for that, as well; though regardless, I’ll be using an image editor. I’m just kind of happy about having a Pen Tool — but I haven’t used it, yet.

And then there are the Graphic Design books that I do want to read…I just forget about them because I haven’t read books for anything other than school, in so long.

That’s about enough.

I’m getting a headache right now, although I do also feel a bit fatigued. Part of this is from not wearing corrective lenses. I know what the other part is from.

I think doing some reading on Graphic Design will help me figure out if I actually want to do it as a career or in addition to Web Development. It’s also a relatively passive activity, which may be what I need, at the moment.


Compensation for adulting? (Beads.)

Today I went through my paraprofessional Library qualifying exam, which wasn’t bad. I think I did better than last time; and last time I got an interview, so I think my chances are pretty good. Because I did do that for about two hours, then went to dinner…it’s kind of been a roller coaster, anxiety-wise. Countering that, I received some stuff today which kind of softened the blow.

A lot of this stuff was hanks of Czech seed beads. I think…it would have been easier to pick these if I could have seen them in person before paying for them. I’ve got some interesting color combinations, but not everything was as I expected. I did take some prior-bought hanks out of their plastic bags and just put them into drawers, loose. Because of that, I have ended up tossing some price tags which were just on sticky paper which lost its stickiness long ago — though I think $0.50 per strand (about $6 per hank) is about accurate, for most of them. It averages out.

The tricky part of this is trying to predict what I’m most likely to use so that I can make sure it’s easy to access. I also need to make more of the Czech beads accessible…I’m not sure, though, whether this means to take them off the strands, and if so, how many; or to only disassemble what I know I’m going to use immediately. It’s kind of a pain to have part of my stock readily accessible, and the rest of it somewhere else; but if I purchase beads in large packs…I’ll have to do that.

I basically just bought my first known Matsuno-brand seed beads, which came in a large (40-gram) pack like this. That in itself is kind of interesting, though it would have been nice to be able to see the beads in person (and next to other beads!) to really understand what I was getting. I think I buy more “sophisticated”-looking beads when I can see them next to others and gauge when paying twice as much (or more) is worth it. That said, I’m not sending anything back. I have ideas for them.

I also need to set a date to head to the International Gem & Jewelry Show. One of the vendors I’ve regularly visited at my local Bead Society’s conventions, has a horrible website. The Bead Society conventions have also stopped. If I want to purchase from them, I’ll need to do it either in person or via snail mail. Meeting in person will be a way to pick beads that coordinate, without depending on the quality of the online photos.

The reason I’m even on this is that they have a large stock of Czech seed beads (which are more donut-shaped and less cylindrical) in larger sizes. I’ve actually found this online, as well; but Intergem sounds like a better bet.

And…I did finally get my copper head pins and crystal scarab beads, so I can move forward on updating my earrings and reworking the necklace I posted about, earlier. I also found some Chinese crystal beads in my stock, with which I want to do something now (probably, earrings). Because the bright green seed beads I got almost perfectly match the Crystal Scarabeus 2x coated scarab beads, I’m heavily considering doing a technique such as Chevron Stitch and combining the blue-green Matsuno beads with the bright green.

I also have a bunch of other green beads in different shades, which might work well with those real bright green ones. There are just so many different shades of green!

I also would like to finish the bracelet I began so long ago…it’s almost done, after all. And I did finally find my Erinite-color crystals (they’re a bluish-green), so I can make a button in that shade.

I’d also like to try making something like it, in blue; I just recently got some light blue Czech bugle beads…and am wondering how they will work up with Czech size 11° beads, as versus Japanese size 11° seed beads. They’re bigger than the small bugles I used in this last project, which means that the band will be wider.

The major problem I’m having is that I’m aiming for an LIS career path so that I can have the money to support myself and to have the money to buy, and the time to do, things like this. It’s just kind of hard to focus on the actual job and education bit of it, in the moment — because it is work. That thing about having a job that you love so that you never have to work again? I don’t think that exists, anymore…

Feeling unproductive.

Today, I wasn’t able to get done what I wanted, to. The most obvious and most mechanical point of action I have is to create a set of hyperlinks to my different classes for each of my required Learning Competencies…so that when working on any one, I won’t have to search around through all my archives, trying to find something which fits.

Luckily, I already have my competencies-to-courses, mapped out. I just need to create a shorthand to each folder in my file system.

I did move outside of what I had thought I would do, to get a notebook and …ponder starting to write out my Statement of Professional Philosophy. I had a better idea of what I would write, last night at 2 AM. I’m hoping that writing here will make working up to this, a bit easier. I need to write, something.

While I wouldn’t say the day was totally wasted, I did end up not going in for extra hours at work. Also, biological imperatives stated that I sleep for a while…and I still need to shower.

People around me say that I’m doing really well, though for me it’s hard to see, when I have days like this.

I guess I just have to remember that not everything has to be done NOW NOW NOW. But if I get a Library Assistant position and I’m doing that as well as my capstone class and Collection Development…I might be better off as regards future jobs, but it might really be tough for the next semester.

Which is why I’m trying to mitigate it, now.

I wasn’t expecting for the call to go out for new Library Assistants, though I see that last time it happened, it was around the middle of July, last year.

There’s some more going on now — actually, a lot more — that I think is stressing me, a bit. We’re considering moving out-of-state, in addition to everything else…which is tough for me when my proficiency at working with the community is contingent on knowing the community.

There’s also some family business to attend to, which I think is coming up because we might not be in this location for much longer. Not to mention that I have questions about my great-grandmother which may go unanswered, unless I actually get up the nerve to ask.

Things are just feeling a bit unstable for me, at the moment. Especially knowing that I may not be able to get a library job in the place we may move, to; at least, not a gainful one, and at least, at first.

I guess a lot is heading up to change in my life, really quickly. And I’m not in control of most of it.

That could…possibly be a reason for a little bit of distress.

The upshot of this is that I’d be moving to an area with a larger Asian population, which will make it immensely easier to learn Japanese, and not lose it. There also might be a lower cost-of-living, considering that prices have inflated so much here that it’s ridiculous. I’m looking at an average $10,000/year pay cut by moving, though…but unless the housing market changes, we may not be coming back.

I suppose that with so much of my life being based around the internet…maybe that would be something that would hold stable. But my friends and work, being part of this community; I think I’d miss it, at least at first.

It’s just, what a time to uproot, right?

I’ve had some internal conflict about my reasoning around learning Japanese. Hmm. But it would go better in a different post.

Balancing business and personal life

Last night, I realized something: I was using a lot of jargon. That is, the problem I was describing in my last post is directly related to my using jargon in regard to beadwork which I’ve grown up with, but which is unfamiliar to most.

The word for it didn’t come to me until early this morning when I was trying to get to sleep, though.

And…once again, I find myself considering the impact of having my online life linked with my physical one. If I did start selling again, for example, do I link my online presence here, or start a new blog (or new website)? The latter will be easy enough to set up…but there are also some drawbacks, primarily related to the possibility of using a database.

I think Etsy is a better first option.

And…the person I am now, at core, isn’t going to change. I have been talking here about things such as gender identity and presentation, and mental health. This is because this is a personal blog — not a professional one — and this stuff isn’t talked about enough in regular life. Also, if I’m going to do creative writing, that stuff’s going to come out, or I won’t be able to write. It’s just that a business presence would likely not have those things, kind of like how I try not to bother you all with my politics.

If I started selling online, it would make sense to start an actual website for a business presence (aside from the one I’ve had to start for school).

Then I could post about beadwork, there! 🙂

I have noticed that there are alternate venues to talk about this stuff, largely going off of what other bloggers have linked. There are also the more obvious routes…going by offline word-of-mouth to find both places to sell and places to talk to other beaders.

Yeah. I’ve had that information for a while, and just haven’t followed up on it. Sounds good. I would need to network.

In other affairs…I’m leaning about 70% towards not taking a third class in my last semester. This is both because I might have a 20-hour job then, and because I like having actual time for myself. If I have extra time, I can put it into a side business.

Sounds good.

And life resumes.

Tonight I turned in the last of my assignments for Summer. I don’t think they were perfect, but they’re off my plate, now.

The good thing is that I got full marks on the first two assignments, so I had 55% going into the last two weeks. This class is also only 1 credit, so a low grade isn’t going to ruin my GPA. (I am already in an Honors society, too, and can’t have that revoked…)

What can I say, but, IT’S OVER!

That class was so frustrating. At least if we had used a real programming language, I could have looked for help from someplace other than my Professor.

I also realized that my love of making things doesn’t necessarily extend to Programming, which is more like, “delivering instructions to a computer.” Not design or writing or crafting; because I’m not doing the work myself, the computer is doing the work.

Now I can return my attention back to work and my e-Portfolio, though to be honest, I’m thinking about doing some jewelry work (likely incorporating leather: I got the idea to make button loops with this so that the buttons wouldn’t be abraded by glass beads. There is also the option of knotting button loops (when using upholstery thread), though I’ve found that braiding them makes a more secure connection).

If I take out my 14g jewelry in the morning and put in light earrings; at the end of the day, I can still put the 14g jewelry back in. I am planning on exploiting this. 🙂 I also have a lot of earwires, so I can toy with designs all I want.

I am not sure yet what heavy earrings will do to my piercings (I’m thinking of a set of sunstone earrings in particular — my first attempt at chain tassels), but I would probably be in danger of losing them, from having the piercing stretched out. Luckily, I have a lot of earring stoppers (plastic stoppers to secure the backs of standard earring posts or earwires).

I am also not sure as to whether my piercings will in fact close up to a more normal size if I take the 14g earrings out, entirely. The problem with doing that, is that then I tend to miss them, and have to go through another cycle of wearing 18-16-14g, which takes at least 12 weeks to get back to the point at which the 14g earrings will again fit and not damage my lobes. It takes longer than that to get them to be able to move freely again.

No, I do think I’ll stay at 14g — but this is as thick as I’m going.

As long as we’re on the subject of appearances, I ended up trimming my hair instead of cutting it short; but I don’t know how long I’ll keep it like this. I mean, I actually look fairly pretty to myself, right now. I don’t know what changed except for beginning to use a different skin treatment. It also looks like my weight shifted. I don’t know what causes that.

At this point, the major issues I have with my hair are ongoing scalp health, and damage from heat styling. The heat styling is to prevent damage from snarling (which happens often enough with my hair wavy).

The only reason I know the heat has damaged it is that when combing it out in the shower with some kind of lubricant (it’s often difficult to comb, dry), I can feel it stretch when I hit a snarl. It’s not supposed to stretch. However, if I straighten it, I can keep it rolled up in a bun when I need to, out of the way and relatively clean. It’s also long enough to put the bun on the crown of my head, which minimizes pulling and discomfort (I often get a sore scalp if I even wear a tightly bound ponytail).

What’s good about this as well is that if I twist my hair down, I can wrap my hair in a scarf, and not worry about getting dust into it from my work.

On the employment front, I have a short amount of time to apply for a higher position, which I’m thinking is now appropriate (I’ve been getting a little antsy at work from not using my skills to their fullest potential). I still can’t drive on my own, though, and I need to get on that and get my license. If I had a license, I could be a substitute and not have to worry about balancing part-time work and full-time school along with having to arrange for transportation. But I am going into my last semester, so if I get hired next year, that will be cake.

I’m thinking that power issues may be tripping out some people I work with. It is probably past time to move up a rank.

I also spoke with someone today about support around getting back into creative writing. The meeting went really well.

The big thing for me about writing (particularly, fiction) is that it brings up a lot of issues that I still need to process, and it tends to bring them up all at once. So having someone to talk to about them, is really good. From what I heard, working through past issues with the writing is likely better than avoiding them by not writing.

It’s also something to take into account that the problems which bothered me before when I was writing, may not necessarily bother me now.  I mean, my last major extended experience in writing fiction was in undergraduate work. I was a lot less stable then than I am now, and beginning to write again now, doesn’t mean I’ll be going back to being like I was, before.

And, yeah…the person I was talking with did bring up the, “method acting,” tangent that I had also wondered about, but never looked up… In specific, the fear was that I’d get into character and then forget who I was. But I think for me, it times out after 3-4 days, even if I do lose my grip on myself.

Also, that mediumship thing about ending a session, I’m told, sounds applicable.

Alright, I should get some rest — I just realized that it’s now after midnight, and I’ve got stuff to do, tomorrow.

(and it’s not going to be graded.)

Gettin’ serious, now:

Okay, so I guess attending class this morning does count as classwork done. Plus, I went to work (which wasn’t bad, this time).

There are actually a good deal of Library Assistants, Library Clerks, and Aides/Pages in my classes, which is causing me to think about getting back on the Clerk list. It would likely be less shocking a transition than going straight into an LA position. I’d just have to refresh my typing certificate, to apply.

I also have three more pages of reading to do before I can start in on all the little assignments due on Wednesday, and I should get on listening to the lectures.

Aside from that, and maybe starting in on another article (the one I’ve printed), that should be enough to think about, for the night.

If I really can’t sleep tonight, I can work on my own personal tech reading (e-books, tutorials), especially as my Database class will not cover MySQL (I found this out, today). I doubt I’ll have that much boredom, though.

There are some additional thoughts I’ve had in regard to listening to everyone’s different experiences…and my own workplace dynamics, but this isn’t the place for them. I should put them in a personal journal, or get back to work…

Back to watercolors? what am I doing…

The little loose paint chips that I made so long ago out of watercolor swatches have proven useful.  I really am not entirely sure why I got it into my head to play with watercolors, again:  except for the fact that I love color, and they’re gorgeous.

M was looking for a butcher tray, so we stopped off at the little art store to look at the palettes.  There were only two things I could think of which I might have a chance of using in the near future.  The first was a stable home for my watercolors (a Mijello 33-well palette); the second was a piece of basswood, to enable the possibility of woodblock printing.

In a prior relevant post, I mentioned the Mijello Silver Nano 40-well palette, and how for me it has become, in practicality, a 20-well palette.  The dried colors just don’t reliably stick to the upside-down wells when the palette is closed.  It has good space for mixing, and it may just be that the colors I put in there fell out because of the properties of the pigments used (they’re largely earth tones, in the lid).  It’s also possible that the antimicrobial coating on this palette makes it somewhat nonstick…in any case, I didn’t want to put any more of my paints in there after I realized it would be a temporary home for them, at best.

So I basically just bit it and got a palette with all the wells on one side, with as many wells as I could find, in a dust-safe and compact model.  I had been looking at the 33-well palette before, but for reasons I can’t recall (likely having to do with mixing space), passed it up.  What they don’t tell you is that they give you three extra mixing surfaces in this palette:  one in the lid, one behind the one in the lid, and one hidden under the paint wells (though I’m not sure if these are watertight for travel:  the outer plastic is not the same color).  At least in the palette I got, and I’m hoping it wasn’t modded by some prior customer to contain all of this, all these spaces are white plastic, thus you can see the color you’re mixing.

I spent quite a long time poring over and studying the Mijello Mission Gold watercolor paint advertisement which was included, after I got home.  The palette contained a little free tube of what I think was Rose Madder (it was taped to the advertisement, so I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be there!).  What I actually was doing was analyzing the differences in color from the printed swatches (keeping in mind that CMYK printing does not always reproduce colors accurately), and cross-referencing the pigment codes to see what was made out of what.  At a certain point, it became clear that one doesn’t need to buy the intermediary mixes of pigments, if one already has all the ingredients to mix that shade oneself.

The draw to convenience mixtures, for me, has been that the colors are often really beautiful, and I just haven’t discovered how to mix them yet out of single-pigment paints.  And, if doing reproduction work, one might actually need a standard shade — as versus the subtle minutiae of variations that occur in hand-mixed colors.

Then, I started looking at my own paints, wondering how many of them were single-pigment formulations.  Quite a number of the ones I have are single-pigment, actually:  at least that’s what the codes might imply (though some codes — especially in the browner earth tones, and Phthalo colors, carry the same pigment number even though they are different shades).  I have mostly Winsor & Newton colors, as I could get smaller tubes for a lower initial investment (though these are not cheap colors, as I initially thought).

Tonight, I was wondering aloud if there was a standard palette that was mixed from, to create harmonious color lines in manufactured convenience colors.  M asked me if I wanted to mix colors.  That was a definite yes.  Then she suggested that I write in and ask to tour a paint factory, and that maybe they would even hire me–!

I had been talking about mixing colors which no one tells you how to mix…my intro to this was Phthalo Green + Permanent Rose (in a Watercolor class), which makes a lovely grey with tones of violet, pink, and blue, which can range into green, depending on proportions.  I used that combination here, in the background.  Particularly, the muted violet in the lower left corner and the blue-green in some of the leaves to the right of the rose used this combination:

(I’m still proud of this one.)  “Rose,” May 2016.

The original post in which I first published this image (in color) is here, though only later did I say that I used Viridian.  I was mistaken.  I used Viridian Hue — “Hue” means that it approximates the color of something else.  In this case, Viridian Hue was actually a Phthalocyanine Green which approximated the masstone (basic color) of Viridian.  However, true Viridian (a chromium-based color:  also be aware that in my earlier treatment of chromium colors versus cobalt colors on this blog, I inadvertently confused the terms) behaves differently in mixes.  In particular, it’s a granulating color (unless I’m wrong and it’s really “flocculating”) — it clumps on the page as it dries, is more muted (less intense), and is not as smooth as any Phthalo color I’ve ever used.  (In particular, it doesn’t do the same thing with Permanent Rose as Phthalo Green does.)

I prefer my paints to flow smoother, though there is undeniable complexity added to an image when the textures of granulating and flocculating paints come into play.  The natural settling of the pigments in…let’s say, the watercolors I (personally) like…add visual texture.  I’m just not terribly fond of visible brushstrokes in areas I want to be smooth.  I know smoothness isn’t everyone’s thing, though.  And my opinion may change after seeing what I can do with dry brushwork — I have noticed the look of it to be visually interesting.

Anyhow, I was able to use my little paint chips to play with the future layout of colors in the 33-well palette.  There are still empty wells, which is likely a very good thing.  I did something different this time, though:  I moved from bright primary color on one side into muted tones, then added in the pinks, violets, greens and blacks on the other side.


Upon looking at this image, to the left, I’m really tempted to play around more with this, though.  I’m seeing distinct groups or families of colors — I’m not sure if any of you are more familiar with it than I am, as I’ve only had community college and high school training in art — but this is what I’m seeing:

A green-to-cool yellow family (Winsor Yellow and up, on the photo, plus Winsor Blue and down on the photo):  these colors can be used to mix greens…and they have a certain impact on me emotionally which I can’t describe.  But they do make me think of plants.  The Oakland A’s.  Androgyny?

A red-to-orange family (Winsor Red to Winsor Yellow Deep):  all of these appear very warm to me and like they stand out more than anything else.

A pink-to-violet/blue family (Permanent Rose to French Ultramarine):  these four colors could probably be called my home base, I mean, just personally.  Do I know why?  No.  But I know they make me feel some way.  (My brand of) Feminine?

Then, there’s Cobalt Blue, which doesn’t quite fit in for me.  I really don’t particularly like Cobalt Blue, in this formulation, at least (W&N).  It’s great for skies, but in color mixing, it’s weak…and it doesn’t really lean very far toward any other color, except maybe Winsor Violet (Dioxazine Violet) and “Magenta Permanent,” (I can’t remember the formulation offhand, but this was a W&N color), above.

And…I did mention that I had shaded these into earth tones, in the new palette.  I wouldn’t have caught the color overtones of these earth tones without having played around with Pitt brush pens for a while, and realizing that nearly each brown, muted yellow, muted red, or muted blue, had an overtone which made it part of a larger color family.  (There was also a muted violet, and one brown which didn’t lean any one way in particular, kind of like Cobalt Blue in that way.)

I have taken photos of the new palette (just in case a wind blew it all away by accident), but I can’t do the layout justice with nighttime lighting.  I’ll try and post records tomorrow and then — after recording positions — try and play around with the chips more and see how else I can rearrange them…