All materials submitted for ePortfolio.

You know what this means? This means that I might actually have time for myself, soon.

And…I’m still wondering about/considering that graphics tablet thing. There’s no reason to get it if, in fact, I’m not going to deal with creating graphics on the computer.

But if I did decide to create graphics (what was called “Digital Imaging” at my old school), either to play with Web Design or just for myself…yeah, that wouldn’t be so bad. It would then be worth the cost. Plus…I could go back into Digital Imaging classes. Why? I don’t know why. What would I draw or paint? I have some ideas.

I am not certain anyone else would care, but I have some ideas.

  • Flowers.
  • Weeds.
  • Plants.
  • Chilies.

You know. Stuff. Stuff abstractly related to my identity, actually, which I forgot about until revisiting that whole gender (nonbinary) and sexuality (possibly asexual) topic. Am I really asexual? I don’t know. It’s complicated.

But let’s just say that stuff never worked out, and I don’t know if the root of it is society, or biology; though I lean toward the former as my explanation.

The question for me is whether or not…I want to do this enough, to merit spending on a tablet. If I’m going to actually get a tablet to actually do visual art…what I’m looking at is a mid-size entry-level model.

Of course, if I can wait about a week, I might be able to save a substantial amount — if, that is, I still want it.

I just kind of want to reward myself, somehow; and this is what I thought of, first. Of course, I can also use…you know,Β real paint. That I already have. And real brushes. That I already have. And inks, with real pens. That I already have. And pastels, used on their sides, which I can’t do with a tablet.

I just remembered…I wanted to get myself a quality paintbrush as a gift! That’s what I was going to get!

Oh, no. I’m not getting a graphics tablet to reward myself. I’m getting a decent-sized natural-hair pointed round for watercolors.

That’s it!

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Time crunch.

So it seems we’re ramping up to the holidays, faster than (at least) I expected. I’ve decided to skip the bead show, this year. I already have too many beads, and I haven’t really been using them at all. Hoarding more beads, I think, would just make me feel bad.

Especially knowing that I’m not intending to go into beadwork as a money-making venture, at this point. Cost-recovery is something else, but beadwork is an expensive habit, and I don’t even wear much jewelry and I haven’t been crafting. I would be more encouraged to sell on Etsy, but even that isn’t really worth it unless we look at how much money I’m losing for not being otherwise employed (plus I am not sure whether or not the last computer bug I got was from Etsy).

The alternative, it looks like, is to start my own website or find a better sales platform, and I’m not doing the first until I can take a serious cybersecurity class.

It also seems that I forgot to mention in my last post that we went out with my Godmother on Wednesday, for lunch. It was supposed to be a little meeting, and ended up lasting until 8 PM. I likely would have done better to stay at home and work, but then again, I did get to try a really good frozen drink at the Vietnamese restaurant we frequent.

The drink itself, I hear, is like the Philippine halo halo, or…well, you can look it up. I don’t really know much about it! I got it because it was listed as having three types of beans and coconut milk. It did have coconut milk, but the other two, “beans,” aside from the azuki beans, were sweetened plantain (so far as I could tell) and slightly sweet agar.

I don’t know, either.

But since I like plantain and coconut and azuki, I was pretty happy. πŸ™‚ Until M almost drank all the coconut milk out of it. That was unfortunate.

There’s something else happening tomorrow that I am wondering whether to skip. It’s basically a festival where stuff is sold. I know I really don’t need to go and I kind of don’t want to go. I mean, it’s just a chance to spend money. The thing that’s giving me pause is whether to go in order to share the experience with my family — which I’m also leaning against, because I have an assignment due Monday night which I haven’t really started yet.

If I were looking to go into business and work shows like this…that’s something else, but that’s kind of not where I’m headed at this point in my life.

I’m really not sure. If I don’t want to go, my family may not see the point in going, either…which isn’t the outcome I want.

I suppose the best thing I can do now is get to work on my homework so that I can complete it on Monday…and if I have an extra Sunday to work on my portfolio, so much the better…

And then, I just realized: it would be different to go to the bead show to see the current state of the market, if I wanted to go into Jewelry Design. That …is an entirely different angle.

Because of my work in my grad program, I realized that drafting a set of rules as to what I would and wouldn’t buy, would help me not overspend. This is with an aim to end-use. I want to do stuff with macrame and size 6ΒΊ (Czech) and 8ΒΊ (Czech and Japanese) seed beads, possibly with small (3-5 mm) druks (round pressed glass beads) and fire-polished faceted round beads. The thing is, what is seen in person are often limited-run specialty glass…

Ehh…I’ve got to think about this, some more…

The anxiety’s easing, a little bit.

I think the only thing I’m really going to have to watch out for is devoting too much time to Collection Development, over my Culminating Experience requirement. That, and not getting sick. Today I spent a little time outside, picking up more food and, incidentally, highlighters. (I get tired of having to look for one that isn’t 15 years old.)

Yesterday, I was able to complete most of one new section (F) to my project. I’m still not halfway done, but it’s comforting to know that it doesn’t take me forever to get one of these, completed. The day before that, I completed and submitted Section E. I likely would have gotten more done last night if I hadn’t been tearing through my archives, looking for evidence (while I had the motivation and nerve to do so). I wanted to deal with finishing Section F more today, but I had to turn in an assignment for Collection Development. Two points. (And…I wanted more trail mix.)

I just would hate not to turn in anything, especially as I lost three points for not following standard format in my last paper. That narrows the gap as to what I can avoid turning in. But of course, it probably doesn’t matter, so long as I don’t get a D or F in this class (I’m uncertain whether that would cause graduation to fall into jeopardy, though I’m presently in good standing).

Good news: I’m now caught up for the weekly turnover, and the Marketing assignment is coming up shortly. I should be able to use this for my incomplete Section D, and then move on from there. Once Sections D and F are turned in, I’ll be over halfway done.

Section D is going to be kind of a pain, though. I was an editor for the major class I’ll be using for evidence in that section…which was needed, because we wrote about 80 pages in our final drafts for that class, combined.

Right now I’ve got approximately eight sections to work on and approximately two weeks before Halloween, which is my soft deadline to get rough drafts of all these sections turned in. After seeing what happened with my first few drafts, though (in which none were reviewed until I fixed the first one I submitted), I may want to take my time on them as versus turning in, “just anything.”

The final due date is in mid-November. I have five weeks. 35 days. But I want to do my best to get all this turned in, in two. 14 days. Hopefully, this will allow me a little bit of extra time, to edit anything that needs work, to fill any gaps which may exist, and to complete incidentals like my Introduction. I’m getting confident with the format, though.

Seriously, the sooner I get this turned in, the sooner I can relax.

Adjusting

Yesterday I finished the majority of work to be done before early next week, for Collection Development. Today, I updated everything I could think to update, in lieu of working further on homework and my project.

I also went out to the produce market and retrieved a bunch of stuff which will be nourishing for me to eat, while I study. I did get some time off of work (a benefit of being part-time), to be adjusted after I get my project turned in.

I also took a shower and washed my hair…and slept. I probably shouldn’t be up now, but I didn’t wake up until 7:30 PM, or something. (I guess D did tell me I’d fall asleep in the recliner, though at least I had the presence of mind to go to bed. I thought to look for that crochet blanket I’d been working on, but was too tired to think of where it might be, and dig it out.) I’ve been trying not to get sick, which is why I’ve been letting myself sleep so much.

Tomorrow is another appointment, which in addition to the appointment I had today and the training day I had earlier this week…kind of explains why I felt pushed to reduce my hours at work.

I have 20 pages to go before the end of Chapter 5. I found that one of my Professors likely hadn’t reviewed my more recent work because I hadn’t updated my first page with her suggested edits; so now that I know this, I should be able to get my stuff reviewed more quickly.

And I am feeling anxiety about this, but I’m probably going to feel it until it’s out of the way and done. It’s better now that I have three pages approved…I didn’t know if I was doing things correctly. But apparently, it’s good enough to pass.

Just, tomorrow…I need to take in a list of questions to my doctor. I may also want to take another shower. Aside from that, the day should be free to work on either chapter reading, or my culminating experience project.

I kind of feel like the latter needs my attention, more…if I fail Collection Development, I just get an F. If I fail my ePortfolio…that’s one shot down. I have two chances. If I waste them both, I won’t graduate — which is obviously much more important than a class that I don’t totally need.

Yeah; it’ll be better to work on the ePort than read. I’ll just read if I can’t think straight…because the thing due this week is only a two-point assignment. Priorities, right?

Straightening out my thoughts.

Okay, I’m going to take some time to write, now. Today…well, today…what happened? Shopping, mostly. I did pick up some good things to eat, which is positive. I also tried some French Brie, today. Usually, Brie is a bit strong for me, and textured like compacted dehydrated tofu, but this is creamier and milder. I like it! We also got some pears, and organic grapes, so this is going to be good. πŸ™‚

I was also able to do some reading. I understand now why the reading is given over a week, which makes sense given the density of this chapter.

No work done on the ePortfolio, today. At least — yet. (It’s 9:30 PM right now, though I have work tomorrow, so I shouldn’t stay up until 2 AM, like I can.) I’m hoping I won’t need to drop Collection Management later on, in order to get this done. What I have realized, though, is that it’s possible to draft the majority of a Competency essay in one day. Filling in the gaps is something else, as is tracking down evidence, but the latter isn’t hard. The former is what may require extra work.

I’m aiming to get a first draft of all my essays done, by Halloween. (After that, I have roughly 20 days to edit anything remaining.) Today was the 40th day before Halloween. I have 39 remaining. If I can’t think of anything to do, I should read over some of the ePortfolio examples. I think it would diminish apprehensiveness, and keep me from wasting time.

Just yesterday, I was out taking care of some mental health stuff. I did raise the alert about my last remaining major psychological issue, which I’m working on now. I just hope it doesn’t take up too much of my mental space, when I need my mental space for these next 39 days.

But I can do this, right?

I’ve also gotten the idea to write a biography. I probably, should. In my writings elsewhere, I essentially began this. Maybe I’m feeling pressed for time because I spent two days, basically, drafting this.

That’s probable.

There’s that, and the sleep hygiene thing, where I stayed up late Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and crashed on Thursday. And the Saturday and Sunday prior, I was drafting the narrative. Meaning…what was I doing on the Thursday and Friday prior?

Looks like I was blogging and getting over being sick. That sounds about right! And the week prior to that (Wednesday to Wednesday), I was wiped out with a cold. Less than a week before then, our visitor left.

So it’s not as bad as it looks. What I need to be okay about is not starting new activities to distract myself from working on my ePortfolio and my work in Collection Development. The biographical writing and the blogging on art and gender are the two things that I have done that I haven’t absolutely needed to do, though both have been constructive, even if disruptive.

I suppose I can’t block life out all the way, can I?

And I can deal with it if I have to turn in my interview late (or not at all). I’m already in an Honors Society and I’m in my last semester of classes. A “C” won’t ruin me.

How in the world can I say that? πŸ™‚

Am I being too tough on myself?

I need to set up a timetable for work on the ePortfolio before I get sucked any further under. Today…well, I can say that I was pretty much out of commission until about 5:30 PM. Looking back on it, I had been running with a sleep deficit, since Monday. Maybe it isn’t that surprising that I slept so long?

I did sit through lecture today, and have started in on this week’s reading (as versus next week’s reading, which is what I was doing, earlier).

I also need to learn to ask people to turn off the TV so I can study, instead of going back to bed because I can’t concentrate on anything over the noise.

So apparently, the next 2.5 weeks will be the busiest of the semester, for Collection Development. I’m not really looking forward to it, but it’s stuff I need to know…and a window into the Academic Library setting, as I’m using my research hours.

I haven’t gotten any work on the ePortfolio done, today, though I did review a key document, yesterday. I’m still dealing with not knowing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, so my energy is diverted to a task which is clearly defined (watch the lecture, read the book, etc).

Tomorrow will be the weekly produce run. After that, I’ll need to finish reading Chapters 3 and 4 of my book so that I’m somewhat prepared for the interview I’m supposed to give someone, of which I don’t know the content, yet. I’m still waiting on confirmation of whether I’ll even be able to talk to this person, yet, and it has to be done within the next two weeks. Even a, “no,” will mean that I can move on to another option.

Well — when I put it that way, it doesn’t look too bad. It’s actually closer to a week and a half.

Maybe I should be giving myself breaks to draw, and stuff like that. Even if it’s just, “I’ll screw around with a pen for 10 minutes and then get back to work…”

Revisions and new possibilities

About an hour ago, I completed a paper for Collection Development. Five pages of content, two of references, and a title page. I was seriously just happy that I got it in a half-hour before midnight.

Oh — and that I was just barely under the maximum word count!

It would be nice if I were able to deal with my ePortfolio, now that I’m back in the world of the living. I really, seriously, need to get over my intimidation on it and just start writing stuff out. It won’t get written if I don’t write it, that is.

The driving factor here, is time. I have two months left to get this done, and the more I don’t work on it, the more it’s going to feel like I’m taking three or more classes, towards the end of those two months.

Realistically, I need to submit an average of at least two essays a week — probably more, now that I’ve wasted two weeks being sick, and catching up on work I didn’t do while I was sick. But I’m only taking one other class; I have time if I have motivation.

The big thing about it is getting back into an academic mode, as versus a vacation mode. The good thing about being in Collection Development concurrently is that the second class is structured, and forces me to get out of bed and engage.

I’ve just taken a look at my ePortfolio, and I’ve realized that any foundational work that I can get done on any Competency, will be good. This is because it makes things vastly less intimidating when I’m not looking at a blank form. And I can always update and edit work that is there.

The other thing that has happened is that I’m using one of my memberships which I have heretofore ignored. It’s encouraging the direction of my energy towards Librarianship, though it also can be a time sink: I spent two days authoring something to help someone. That’s time I could have used, working on my ePortfolio. But it did help. It really helped me, too.

I have realized that I would be a very good fit for a Public (or Academic) Library position. One of my papers is on the intersections of Social Justice, Civil Rights, and Intersectional Feminism, and I found myself shifting back into that mode and speaking on diversity issues. Now I’m involved. πŸ™‚ Ruh-roh. πŸ˜‰

I have realized, however: I’m a very good candidate as a Gender Studies, Ethnic Studies, or American Studies scholar, as versus or in addition to having possibilities towards Japanese-language/-diaspora Special Collections, and the possibility of becoming an Art Librarian. I’m thinking, though, that Gender Studies…might be more interesting, and might help the world, more. And I’m not convinced that I need to go back to my alma mater for it.

I still remember someone there saying that I couldn’t have an opinion on gender identity unless I had read Foucault, first. Which is just elitist hogwash. I kind of know something about gender identity, from, you know, having engaged with and lived the problem. Did he? (On that note, I probably don’t even need a degree in Gender Studies to be knowledgeable in the field. I’ve done Master’s level research. I’m in Library Science. I’ve written papers. I have some knowledge of Social Science. I have a grounding in Feminism. My fundamental grasp of the topic is apparent. I can deal with it.)

In comparison…the Web Design stuff is looking unimportant. Weirdly. Though right now I would likely have to work in either general Reference or Technical Services, given my skill set. I want to and may need to extend my reach deeper into Information Organization, however. That includes re-taking Cataloging.

Coming up…I will very shortly have an interview with a Collection Manager, and I need to read Chapter 4 in preparation for that (and I have been advised to read it more than once)…though this week’s Module just now opened up. Chapter 4 is just 30 pages, though — not a problem. I could get the first run-through done tomorrow, if I needed to.

I’m still waiting to hear back from my contact, though; I’m not even sure this will follow through. I might have to interview someone in a different system. Maybe I should get the contact information of an alternate person, from work.

Speaking of which, I’ve gotta be there in the morning. Maybe I should get some sleep and stop running myself into the ground. πŸ™‚