Hibernating?

For some reason, I slept through most of the day. I’m not entirely sure why, though looking forward to getting a computer back into operating condition is not really my idea of a great time. (I’ve also been having issues with heart flutter, likely related to caffeine sensitization; but neither does it speak well about my level of stress.)

So…let’s see, I was offered an interview to become a Library Assistant, but I’m not too hot on the position — it’s a Substitute/Floater position, just like the one I was offered from a different county. The benefit is that it will give me experience: the drawbacks are many, but primarily the first few weeks to months will be hell, as all the creeps in the area introduce themselves to me.

I must have checked something that said I was interested in this…which I shouldn’t have, as three declines get one kicked off the list. I don’t know if that’s for a year or a lifetime, though.

And actually…I’m not really interested in that position. Kind of like I’m not really interested in the class I was offered for Spring semester…I mean, I really need a rest!

For now…well, it would be nice to take some time to calm down. I know that I’m looking for an entry-level position in an Academic Library, ideally. I want to spend the next few months reviewing HTML and CSS, then moving into JavaScript.

The class I was offered by Open University is a Tech course, but until I learn a Programming language for real, I don’t even know if I want to be in this path. I know that Database Management (DBM) was not where I wanted to be; I suspect the others of these classes may be like DBM.

I initially intended to go into Digital Services, but didn’t realize …just how technical it was going to be. And that I get intimidated by learning technical stuff, even though I’m drawn to it. (And yes, there is a gender component, here.) I’m thinking, why be in school unless you are learning something you can’t learn any other way?

As well: there is the matter of my Japanese-language study, which I’ve had to lay off of totally in order to focus on my schoolwork. I need to get back to that. And I want to take Cataloging and Classification, again. (I also want to read the various materials I’ve collected but did not have time to read!)

I mean, what if I actually am better off being a Cataloger or an Academic Librarian (or a Collection Developer?), rather than a Techie? What if I actually want to go back for an MA or MFA or PhD in something I love, and become a Subject Specialist in it? I’ve been afraid to limit my options, but if a specialized option is the best one…?

Talking to people isn’t so bad! It’s just when they push your boundaries and start dealing with you personally, that’s hard. Librarianship is a Service position, and along with that goes dealing with people you would rather not. It’s just that in an Academic Library, the service community is not necessarily, “anybody who walks in the door.”

What I had been looking at with Digital Services, though: that’s merging into an Information Sciences field. I chose this majorly because of having been ticked off in Cataloging & Classification, and not wanting to deal with the public, but still wanting to help a Library.

The major scare of this for me is the tough time I had in (Honors) Math, the distaste for math I’ve had since then, and my lack of having practiced it in any regular sense, ever since my Undergraduate work.

That, I think, is where the actual sticking point is: I’m an Arts and Humanities (and minorly, Social Sciences) person with interest in how Technology can further these; more than a Hard Sciences, Math, and Engineering, person. I do think, though, that I could handle talking in front of a group more easily than I could handle applying algorithms to Big Data.

Hmm. Maybe I should write to the person I spoke with recently, about this…

Anyhow, the following are my ideal priorities for the next six or so months:

  • review HTML
  • review CSS
  • learn JavaScript
  • review and extend Japanese Language
  • review/retake Cataloging & Classification
  • gain Entry-level position/experience in Academic Library
  • Read

I mean, that is basically, what I want; and I have time to deal with getting a job I’ll actually like, rather than one I’m forced into because of monetary concerns…

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Whoa! Unanticipated!

I’m actually done with my Term Paper! I’m done with this semester! I’m done with my Master’s! And a nearby County is hiring for Librarian I positions!

!!!…

Okay, for one thing I don’t think it’s set in yet that I’M ACTUALLY DONE and I ACTUALLY QUALIFY. The other thing is that I’ve kind of got a rush because OMG IT’S DONE. I CAN BE A LIBRARIAN NOW.

I mean, seriously, a couple of hours ago my biggest plan was to clean the house, tomorrow.

Of course, having the Master’s is only one component of the work. I also need experience, meaning I may need to take on jobs that aren’t particularly ideal (especially as I am not sure how well I would do at conducting programs, in a Public Library position), in order to move up in the system.

But ooh, sh…I just realized that I have most of the qualifications to be an Academic Librarian. Which may be where I would be most comfortable…considering my study over this last semester.

If I can get a better job, as well (say, an entry-level University job)…I’m seriously considering taking one class a semester for both Professional Development and to maintain access to my University Library.

Do I have a plan? It’s certainly looking like it…



It’s cold and dark. Lots to do, but not all of it, necessary.

What’s sad is that it’s so cold that the computer warming my lap is welcome. I didn’t get any work done on my paper tonight, so far, and it’s taken an intentional effort for me to write here instead of space out watching the television and waste the time that way. It would take an even larger intentional effort for me to work on art.

In comparison, reading seems fairly…well, passive. Those two books I crammed into one night a couple of weeks ago, I can barely remember, now. It makes me want to re-read them just for the sake of writing up a review, and write the reviews for the sake of my own recall.

I haven’t been on this blog as much, recently. After finishing my ePortfolio, I have basically gone into reading. It’s difficult to have content to put up here without going through the additional process of living. It’s also difficult to live after having gone through as intensive a process of study as I’ve been involved with.

And…a lot of time and energy has been concentrated on obtaining things. Mostly, texts; but also some other stuff, like winter and professional clothes, and stuff for art and writing. But I think I spoke about that in past posts.

My due date for my term paper got extended to the middle of next week (as versus what looked like tomorrow night). At this point, I’ve re-read the applicable chapter, and looked some terms up, prior to doing hardcore research. The major issue I’m having now is not knowing my exact, most productive search terms, but I should be able to find those out in the process of searching.

I just…get anxious about searching. If you knew what kind of anxiety I have to deal with on a daily basis, you would know how much I hate routinely exploring online, on my own machine. Of course, I’m running a system which I’ve tried to make safer, but still.

So…I should probably get a plan together for the next three days. I know I want to have the majority of my research done by Sunday night, and to be writing by Monday. What really threw me off was going to work this last Wednesday; I should probably have held off for two more weeks. I just thought that since I would technically only be working on one class, it would be okay to have fewer available hours to study.

But also — it is a Master’s program.

Huh. It’s also harder to write here, I think, because most of my recent writing has been academic. It has been easier to channel my creativity into academic work, however. I’ve been wondering whether “arts” are just the most recognized outlet of creativity…

Aside from all of this, I still need to help clean the house, do some laundry, and…I think that’s about it. If I get my term paper done, I should be able to work on cleaning the house by Thursday, though I should work on my laundry before then.

And water the plants. And take another shower.

I think I’ll be okay. Today and yesterday were rest days. Tomorrow is work and study. The two days after that should be wholly study, and I can try and get this thing in early if I need to (just to have it over with), though I can also edit on Tuesday, given that I need to use APA format (and writing to a format is not easy).

Overall, I think my energy feels sapped because it’s cold and I haven’t been getting enough light. It is an idea to get out and start my day earlier, or to use the mood light in the morning. It looks like the sun is coming up at about 7:15 these days, so that’s about 9-10 possible hours of natural light.

It’s also possible that my energy feels sapped because I’m recovering from the stress of completing my ePortfolio, but I’m sure the season has something to do with it, too.

As well, I’ve noted tonight that I need to lay off drinking juices, again. For the last three weeks, I’ve been off of tea (camellia tea, I mean) and chocolate, due to heart flutter; and I think drinking sugar (and stress) has caused me to gain 2-3 pounds. Not too happy about that, but most of my clothes should still fit, as I got them recently.

I know I should still be able to drink kombucha, kefir, coconut water, and limited vegetable juices, in addition to barley tea and caffeine-free herbal tea (mint, chamomile, rooibos, elderflower, hibiscus, ginger, etc.).

That does make me feel better…

New clothes on Black Friday

Although I hadn’t really been looking forward to shopping — at least, for clothes — I’m feeling pretty good about what I came away with, this year.

For those not in the know, yesterday was a holiday that is probably specific to the U.S.: Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving is, “Black Friday,” which is basically a kick-off to the holiday shopping season. It’s essentially an unofficial commercial holiday.

I’m fairly certain that many “Americans” (I’m aware of the messed-up global politics of this term, which is politicized even between groups within the U.S.) have mixed feelings about Black Friday. However, this year it was my best chance to get clothing at reduced prices. Given that I am planning to get a better job, it seems (or seemed) important to be able to, “dress the part.”

During the last month, I’ve only been going to work twice a week, in order to give myself time to complete my ePortfolio (now done). This has meant that I have not needed a great number of work outfits or clothing…but I’m about to increase my hours again, and even just that requires professional clothes.

Or maybe I should state that I’ve gotten professional clothes because I’m seeking upward mobility. (No jeans, this time; it goes against dress code for paraprofessional and professional employees.)

The next step, for me, is practicing my driving so that I’ll be able to take a job which is not necessarily accessible by public transit.

I also have about two weeks of school left before the semester is completely done with, so I need to be doing some research and other stuff which I’m reluctant to think about, at this point. But it’s only two weeks, and the rest of my grades are good, so I can deal with it. The major issue is that the Final paper is self-directed, and I’m decompressing, right now.

I think it would be different if this class were continuing education, rather than specifically affecting my academic standing in the eyes of the government and University.

It is coming time to trawl for better employment, though; and I’m not convinced that I’ll be happiest in my current system (even though I think that Upper Management might want me to believe that).

Given that…I know I’ll have to deal with my transcripts. My field is one of those where academic records actually matter, and I’ve attended three Universities and two Community Colleges. I know I don’t remember how to access all my accounts. It should be in my papers, though.

Not having listed the number of credits which I had taken, might have been a reason I haven’t been called in for an interview for the Library Assistant position I applied and tested for. That, and I didn’t take the interview with enough gravitas the first time around (last year; I was afraid to be offered a job and have to turn it down because of University commitments. Three declined offers, and I get kicked out of the system. I’m not sure if there’s any coming back from that).

Anyhow…I got some pretty clothes. 🙂 For about half as much as they’re probably actually worth. I think that I’m finding a personal style, and as such am not hating the selection in Misses’ sizes, so much as I used to.

It’s also kind of nice that my size is a popular one, so I didn’t have too many problems with finding pants. My shape is now distinctly female, though. (I don’t think I have the option of wearing Men’s pants, anymore.) I think I’ve said this before, but I don’t so much have an issue with being female, more than I have issues with being tried by other people (mostly older men) because they think my appearance means weakness is one of my inherent personal qualities.

That is, I have to deal with misogynist idiocy being thrown at me, regardless of whether or not I view myself as a woman. Sporadically, but still.

I’ve started wearing my old glasses again, too. They are distinctly feminine (rose gold), but they fit better, they have large lenses, and they’re sturdy. (The sturdiness was what caused me to select these frames over everything else.) When I get my next prescription, I’m putting the lenses into these.

It’s kind of nice that I’ve found (over the years) that clothing and accessories for female people don’t have to be cheap and throwaway. It took a while of searching, though. It’s not something that’s obvious from within the Junior’s department, or from looking at Fashion Jewelry, but quality clothing for female bodies does exist.

Aside from everything, there’s a lot I have to do. Like: take a shower; wash my hair; dust and vacuum and organize my room, my office, and my craft areas; wash my old clothes; take the tags off of, and wash my new clothes; and work on my last two weeks of Collection Development. I also need to work on driving, and hygiene. And, right: water my plants.

I don’t think there’s anything else.

Conversations with myself #1

So yeah, I…tried to do homework tonight, until I was no longer able to function, with regard to studying. That is, I started researching why my tomato plant smells funny, and eventually came here.

I am thinking there must generally be some limit on the amount of writing to a format that can be done before one’s brain quits.

At the time I’m beginning this post, it’s near 1:25 AM. I’ve just taken medication, so I should have until about 3 AM before I become entirely useless.

Yes, I am playing with the color settings on the new editor. Why?

Anyhow…what I’m working on now, is a collaborative project. Since I got my ePortfolio turned in, I’m trying to stay motivated. I did need to use one of the projects for this class within the ePort (I actually used two), but I really should have taken this class…before. At a different time.

So right now I have what I’m working on, due early this week…and three more weeks to go of this class. I can make it. The issue is feeling “done” with the whole thing, when I’m not. I have three more weeks to go. But only three more weeks.

Right now, I’m just wondering about resuming my artwork.

newly washed rondelle beads
This is a test photo. I could use this editor for comics, couldn’t I? I mean, if I really wanted to.

I’m thinking about getting back into painting. I have two more weeks before I go back to my regular schedule at my job, unless I pick up more hours, in the meantime.

I should have the opportunity at the end of this week, but it means working through Black Friday — and I have things I want to do, on that day. Like get a paintbrush. But then again, if I go to work, I can afford to pay full price.

Right now, I’m looking at the different way the new Editor on WordPress encourages me to break up my text. It’s much more suited to Web-optimized writing; as versus longform nonfiction, as was my working default, before.

I could do something with this, hmm? I’m thinking two or more B&W side-by-side panels in each Block. Maybe with narrative in between? I might want to review my CSS to see if I can adjust the padding or margins here, though.

Even the background colors of the text could symbolize different characters talking (if the colors repeat), though it wouldn’t be entirely accessible. It could also be narrative.

Just have to pick a story to work on…see which pens to use…

(does longevity matter? If so, use the Microns. If not, Sharpies — or anything else — works.)

Yes, I have tried to use Photoshop to create drawings, before. I’m better off working by hand…

…but that was pretty sweet when I could illustrate with the Wacom. I just didn’t have a story.

(Shut up about the Wacom!)

–But I could use a Wacom!

I have a proposed solution. Do some comic art, scan it in, and see what you can do with your current image editor and a mouse, before you jump on the Wacom thing again.

…or just buy a Wacom. Whatever. If you’re willing to pay full price, it doesn’t matter when you get it.

I gotta try this…

Burnout? Is it burnout?

I can’t think very well, right now. I doubt turning off the television is going to help. I think it’s just fatigue. So…I’m writing here. Maybe thinking about something other than work and school, will help.

Though that is…fairly hard.

I have 25 days left before my self-imposed deadline to have the first draft of everything done, for my culminating experience. Nine barely-touched essays, though I have been successful in rustling up supporting evidence. Thirteen full days left. I’ve got to rely on trying to complete one essay almost every full day I have, off.

And…yeah, that’s some more of that. But this is a Master’s project.

I did get the idea, last night, of making a practice database project, using the provisional scenario of pretending I run an art gallery. As I’ve been going through my work, I’ve realized that I may not have to retake everything. But…

I left at this point in this entry to see whether I could drop one of my classes, and I don’t think I can. So I had to drop some work hours.

It was unnecessary for me to sign up for Collection Development. Not only do I not have to retake everything, I didn’t have to take what I did. I think I will be able to go back for Open University courses, meaning I could have taken it at any time after graduation.

Dang! It’s 12:45 AM!

Gah…well…I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, at least. I do need to work on a paper for Collection Development, which I guess I can focus on, now that I have initiated the process for not having to go in, as much. It’s at least nine hours saved per week; maybe more, if we factor in getting ready to go out, and the commute.

I should get ready for bed. I wasn’t thinking well before, and I’m sure not thinking well, now.

One of the things I’ve been meaning to write down is the question of whether drive to learn something is more important than initial skill at something. I basically want to work in Tech, but Database Management was the hardest class I’ve ever taken. And Fundamentals of Programming was not fun. But I still kinda want to do it, and I’m not entirely sure why, except that I know that I can make awesome stuff if I do know how to do it.

Dividing sick time.

I seriously just want to get back to studying Japanese language!

I did watch this week’s lecture, today…though not much else has gotten done besides my helping M with her homework, and refilling my fountain pen. And, yeah, eating, sleeping, drinking water, and blowing my nose.

I did realize that the Maruman Sept Couleur notebook I have is excellent for use with the Pilot Metropolitan (fountain pen) with Iroshizuku ink. Didn’t know it, though, until writing kana in it for M, and seeing the thick/thin lines that I was able to form with the nib (I’m using a Fine nib — I got this to be able to practice kana and kanji with something special). It’s something that hasn’t shown up on other papers, including the Kyokuto Expedient notebook I have.

Maybe it’s a sign that it needs to be cleaned? Maybe I’m breaking it in? Maybe I’m holding it at a different angle? I don’t know. 🙂 The variation in color, line width, and the feel when writing is different, though. I can actually tell what the pen’s orientation is when I’m using the Maruman, which I can’t, with the Kyokuto. The Kyokuto’s paper just feels more yielding. (This, in turn, is making me want to go back to my art, but I’ve been too sick to do much for the last couple of days.)

I’ve recently been enabled to post from bed now, though, and that’s the only reason I can get this out to you all. I should really be asleep, but I’m thinking there’s no chance of my being well enough to go in to work tomorrow, anyway. I’m aware they’ll likely need me; I’m also aware that I’ll need to sleep and that going in to work means I’ll probably expose others to whatever I’m battling, and possibly pick up a few more bugs while I’m at it. I DO NOT need to get pneumonia in an era of drug-resistant bacteria. (Neither does anyone else.)

I think I’m eight pages away from being done with the chapter reading for this week (which I’ve got to get in by Monday night); I still have three other readings and an assignment to do, there. I’ll also have to get up the nerve to touch my ePortfolio, though I suppose I should remember that I don’t actually have to turn in what I write in my first draft!

The weekend will be good for this, though. Tuesday through Thursday were pretty shot, for me (although it was more of a slow bleed, after the possible food poisoning Tuesday night, whatever happened on Wednesday [I believe this was going in to work sick], sleeping nearly all day yesterday and sleeping nearly all day today). Come to think of it, I had work Tuesday morning. I had no free time, then. And I may have started to get sick on Monday night, when I went to bed with my hair damp.

I don’t know what I was doing, Monday. I was probably watching people rush to get their homework in (or adding on to my own work for Collection Development).

Actually, now that I look — I was starting a plan for my ePortfolio Conclusion (particularly the part about plans after graduation). It took a few days of thought, but I have what appears to be a solid plan, and can now write that section in a somewhat prepared manner.

I also have three other sections I can deal with (FINISH) in the coming days. When will I do it?

I am not sure, but I have no set due date for this project. I just know that it’s better to get it done earlier, rather than later. I would write out a plan, but I know that I’m not going to stick to it, and that it’s going to worry me for the rest of the semester.

That sounds kind of fatalist.

I might get the nerve to crunch out a plan, over the weekend. The major problem is that all of this lies ahead of me; I don’t know right now how long any of it is going to take. Which is a reason to work on it as much as possible, now.