“What they expect us to want”

Maybe I’ll have to keep better daily records about what I’m doing. It would have helped if I had been cognizant enough this afternoon to realize that I could have read, or worked on in-process jewelry, or something, instead of ignoring these at first and messing around with Derwent Drawing Pencils (capitalized because “Drawing” apparently means something special to Derwent; these aren’t regular pencils; more like really soft, really waxy colored pencils) on top of tinted paper.

I’ve also been looking for books on what I would presently call the process or psychology of art (what we’re doing on a cognitive level, when we make art; not just the physical motions). However, I don’t know the key terms to search (on top of my normal OPAC [Online Public Access Catalog] being notoriously difficult to navigate), and will probably need a librarian’s help.

I found one book yesterday and realized upon trying to read it tonight that it focuses on portraits…which is REALLY not what I need to know about. I have a strong urge not to do portraits, though I can make them well enough. The aversion even has begun to extend to disliking making cartoon faces; I don’t know why, unless it seems too “basic” for me.

Not to disparage people who do make portraits; I understand that it takes a lot of practice to make faces look right and to make expressions look as intended. It’s just not my thing. My thoughts go to the place where you can see a circle and put two dots and a mouth on it (I’m thinking of, “Annoying Orange,” a kids’ Graphic Novel series, or the Ed Emberley “Funprint” books) and then suddenly it’s imbued with, “humanity,” and people feel empathy toward it. WHY.

For one thing, what makes “humanity” so especially important, and what is this thing about faces? (Then again, you’re listening to someone who takes into account the way a person physically conducts themselves, behaves, sounds, and smells, before noting the finer details of their faces or hair or clothes.)

It doesn’t help that the Derwent Drawing Pencil range, and Strathmore tan paper, seem to be primarily made for portraits. It’s like, “hey, if I wanted to draw people’s faces, this would be great…not like I particularly do, but hey.”

I guess it’s kind of like women’s underwear always being available in pink. (“Hey, if I wanted to wear pink underwear…”) Not to mention that I have had an aversion to the Barbie aisle for years. Kind of parallels it, I guess.

Or it could be like my aversion to taking photos of displays in Las Vegas because it’s so obviously human-centered (“what they expect us to want”) and artificial. Or my more recent aversion to drawing cut flowers, as versus living ones (even though the latter means getting out of the house). Or the aversion to department-store jewelry (though that’s probably because all my favorite pieces are by craftspeople).

Yeah, maybe I just have a lot of aversions (no, I don’t expect you to agree with me, I’m just trying to figure out what’s behind all this).

Maybe I’ll work on a “portrait” of one of my plants, as I intended when I first got them. I don’t have an aversion to them. The reason I haven’t done it is that they have weathered…my overwatering them. Or not watering them, in one case. (Maidenhair Ferns always sound good, in theory…until the SOIL WON’T HOLD ANY WATER…okay, I’m going to stop there.)

On top of that, my succulents (I’m pretty sure) need more light than they’re getting. The little one in the front yard (from a leaf that dropped off a different one and fell into a crack from which I couldn’t recover it) still has its maroon color; I can’t say the same for the indoor ones, which were variously maroon and violet and blue and yellow, as babies. They’re pretty much, “green,” and leggy, now.

I didn’t really become alert today until about 4:30 PM. I think it’s likely due to taking medication too late. I had hoped to work on cleaning up my stuff…there are three areas which need to be helped: the craft area, my bedroom, and my office. All of these have needed it since before Winter Break. But…well, looking forward to cleaning things doesn’t really encourage me to get out of bed…

Anyhow. I’m thinking of restarting the rose-colored bracelet I was working on (now that I know and have graphed the pattern repeats). And I’m thinking of wholly disassembling the pearl necklace. I can do something better than just stringing and knotting them…but I’ve got to get some modular components (e.g. Quadra Lentils) to figure out, how.

In the meantime, I’ve got fine-gauge copper wire and now some gold-fill wire. (28 gauge!) I can do something with these, especially if I want to make that drop necklace…unstringing the pearls will free up the grey AB firepolished glass beads.

I should take some photos first, though…

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