As I look at what I can cover in this post…it’s a bit scattered. While I wouldn’t say there was a lot happening…it certainly seems that way.
Particularly since the language-learning part of this just got added in, and I have been considering extending my hours at work (I will have 15 hours of schoolwork a week, as versus the 30 that was expected of me last semester; and Summer’s starting means that I have had time to spend money — and time to use what I’ve spent it on).
Also, as was just explained to me: first we had the Hawaii trip, then my relative died, then something else happened, which were all a drain on the finances. Then: I’m starting Summer school, which is coming out of pocket, and then I got books for Summer school. I’m not personally in trouble, but I haven’t yet heard back from Financial Aid. That may happen after I see my Vocational counselor next week.
I am not sure what will happen if the Vocational program covers my tuition and fees and I don’t get a grant or loan: I’ve been depending on having a cushion so that I don’t have to work long hours at the same time as I’m taking classes (my position is not well-compensated, meaning that if I don’t get a grant or loan, I may have to find another job…and my County, just generally, isn’t the best work environment); and I have to carry at least 7 units to get full Financial Aid.
On the bright side, I got two A’s (the highest grade possible, in my program) and one C+, last semester. I found out, today. Well, yesterday; now that I look at the time. Also on the bright side, I don’t see myself having to take any more big trips to the art store, in the near future: usually, when I’m in classes, I don’t have a lot of extra time to devote to arts or crafts, though I should certainly plan to make time, as I’ve prioritized time for the blog. But that’s majorly because I lose my grounding if I don’t write.
I feel a bit like my vacation time is over. Summer session starts up on Monday; I’m in a class on User Experience, and expect a lot of reading: I had to buy four textbooks for this, though I know two of them are not difficult.
Ah, and: I’m still archiving things from last semester. I have until the beginning of Summer session to do this, but that’s not a lot of time. I’ve found out that anything which is saved by a hyperlink to a webpage is by its nature transitory, meaning that now I’ve got to go and copy or take screenshots of my data (particularly Discussion Posts), before it’s lost. Even if I don’t back it up for school, I will want to back it up for myself; because I did do the work, and I do want proof of that. Ordinarily, I would have printouts or saved files automatically. But with this discussion-board type of interaction, it’s just not permanent and it takes an extra step to make sure I can back up the fact that I actually did the work.
Today, for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep in the late afternoon. Possibly because I didn’t want to archive things. I also haven’t read very much recently, though I’m fairly certain that at this point I’m going to hold off on buying the books I had planned to (that money can go to other things — like art supplies — which I can’t access without it).
What I’ve been doing is just using the Library, and I really need to get over my “ick” factor where it comes to handling things that many other people have also handled. I work there, I know that it is not sanitary (something not entirely clear before I became an Aide); but I’ve learned to tolerate the lack of cleanliness and just be clean when I need to (when going to the bathroom, touching my face, eating, drinking, or ending my shift).
I also have realized that the suminagashi play has kind of hijacked my original intent to work with relief printing! I’ve got a lot of knives that I have not played with, yet, and I want to try them. Ideally this would be sooner rather than later, but classes start next week; and I have a lot of appointments in that first week of classes, too.
I’m trying to figure out just how many; as I’m looking at my calendar, I have five appointments in the first two days of the work week. Then I go to work again, have another group that evening, and have a phone appointment on Friday and a dentist appointment the week after. I’m thinking that I’m going to have to really think about going to my Wednesday group; that and the other group I occasionally go to are the only things I can really cut out. As I’m having two Psych appointments already that week — and I’m probably going to need the extra time to work on homework — maybe I don’t need the Wednesday group.
Anyway — I need to get back to my original intent of working with linoleum block printing, I feel like. I want to get back to carving, even knowing it’s hard. I’ve realized that a lot of what I do may be based on the conversion of my own tension into creative work; this being part of the reason I started being really creative in my early teens (early teen years were fairly horrible for me), along with the sublimation of my then-libido into constructive drives. It explains why I feel like my works are my babies: having and planning on no physical children of my own, there does seem to be a period of incubation, then creation, then protectiveness, before I can set them free upon the world.
The conversion of the energy of duhkha into creative work is likely the reason that doing art and creative writing actually makes me feel so good. I don’t really understand it; maybe I don’t need to?
Anyhow, I’ll leave you with a gift, though be aware that I’m reserving copyright on this one (I have the hi-res master). We went to a relative’s house to drop off a piece of mail, recently; and not really in the mood to deal with people, I went and photographed a bunch of plants. Particularly, a Bird of Paradise plant caught my eye. The flowers had aged a bit — they were starting to go to seed — but looking up Bird of Paradise plants online, it’s apparent that I can fill in the blanks. It hit me that if I want to work with asymmetrical composition, it would be helpful to work with an image like this:
I have a bunch more of these; this isn’t the best. I’m thinking of doing something with them (I’ve learned to take tons of shots from multiple angles to help with visualization), but I don’t know what media to use, right now.