I did tell someone about what I had posted the other night; to which I found a response about “words have power” and that once I mention the term “Satan,” it brings to mind “Evil” and etc., and whenever a reader sees the term “Satan,” it drowns out everything else in the passage. (Granted that this person likely didn’t know that I wasn’t aiming that last post towards the lowest common denominator; in general, I don’t write for a general audience. I am, however, learning to flesh out my writings so that those without the required background knowledge [but with the capacity to understand] will understand.)
Let me be clear that when I mention the concept of “Satan” I am not referring to what anyone outside of myself would think I would be referring to. This is why I use the term in quotes, and it is why I made efforts to define what I meant. In particular, I am not depending on popular conceptions of Satan as a hateful and evil tormentor (my concept of “Hell” is what people [regardless of their religion] can be driven to create, and to do). “Evil” does not come to mind as even associated with my Deity, except as an aspect which beings who have the capacity for, “Evil,” might choose to bring into the world.
But other beings, given the power to create — or even the same beings under different circumstances — might choose differently; to create, for instance, things that would benefit others or bring light into the world.
(I am deliberately avoiding the question of “darkness”, as I’ve learned over the years what darkness is, why I don’t aspire to it, and why it does not apply, currently…but that discussion is long and involved, with too many qualifiers to introduce, here. As well, “light” could stand to be defined here, but I have not yet formulated a watertight and clear definition of the term which can avoid being twisted into an unintended meaning. So I’m going to have to rely on yours, for now, granted that I realize that yours may be a bit inaccurate, too. Depend on the feeling of Light, not on the words or codes you associate with it. We’re not going to get out of this morass any other way.)
I am strongly considering — or somewhat committed to, alternately — identifying my Deity as a Deity of Creation, in the transitive (not static) sense: that is, a deity of Creating. In this sense, liberation, nurturing, sensitivity, joy, production, all come into play, along with noticing and synthesizing. Last night I realized that what I was looking at was a psychological holder for limitless potential, but potential unrealized.
My job as a Creative…human (if there is one thing humans are, it’s creative!), is to sense and develop unrealized and worthy potential, and using my own discretion, to give it form. If finite reality is the other side of the infinite and unrealized…there is so much which has been made before us. And we see how it can become beautiful. Being a conduit between those realms — as a life mission — seems a worthy enough goal. We can make this world a Hell or we can make it a Paradise. But right now we are not aligned, and the leaders of our world (the ones we hear about most often, at the least) appear unconscious at the wheel.
One of the issues I’ve been introduced to is the question of what I want to bring into the world. As a Creator, I have the power to direct the flow of my Creation (to an extent), even though there is always the risk of misinterpretation or deliberate marring. Every work of art, though; every piece of writing; has different meanings depending on who reads it or sees it or touches it. Meaning is not a one-way street; it is created through the interaction of one thing with another. In this way, expressions can be and often are our catalysts.
The major issue that I have found is…how to create things that are “good” — that is, that contribute to the uplifting of humanity and the world — which at the same time do not delimit what it is that I give myself permission to think about, or write. If there is anything believably off-limits…that constitutes a block, and at that point I find it hard to do anything but break the taboo or stay silent. I can’t be a free conduit of information if I’m dealing with “things I can’t say,” or “shapes I can’t draw.” To be realistic, I’m not all that great at joining in a room’s agreed-upon ignoring of purple elephants. I don’t ignore details all that well. I don’t keep silent all that well, either — not anymore. Not if you consider text as a form of speech.
The solution seems to lie in giving myself the freedom to write what I need to, and trust that it will truly help someone — that it will serve someone in need, in its capacity. Having dealt with bibliomancy myself (opening a book that catches my eye to a random page and reading what is there, then seeing if it applies to anything timely or anything within me), I know that this cannot be predicted — by anyone. However, to the best of my experience, the spirits move in ways which privilege chance.
I know that I myself have run across passages online which had two to three (or more) different meanings, on different levels, seeming to hint at something…some hidden knowledge(s) that I had not yet developed. I am certain that this has to do with the spirits guiding things. But in order for this to happen…at some point I’ve got to let go of control, and just let come out what needs to come out. This is the reason I’m alive. This is the reason I’m sick if I don’t create.
My life. Sometimes, raw. But everyone has a life, and we all have our sensitive spots. To pretend we don’t is to deny our humanity and to deny what we have learned on this Earth.
In short…although I can still see ways in which things may be twisted to cause me to look bad…and lenses which may twist my own view of myself so that I am afraid to express anything, lest it contribute to the continued inane, meaningless and needless troubles of the world…at this point, I can’t stay silent. There are youth that need to know that they’re not alone. There are people that need to know that I hear them.
And in my position…maybe I can help create a better world.