Allowing, for the moment, myself to question:

Is it possible for magic(k) to really work?

I’m not talking about stage magic or magic of the types seen on TV and in movies…it is more a question of:  If there is a multiverse where all (actual) possibilities do play themselves out, is it possible for magic(k) to work by guiding or changing the path of one’s soul through different realities within that multiverse?  This way, one would not be changing the world around them:  they would be changing the path their awareness takes, through multiple realities.

Granted that I’m not a magician.  I pondered it in my young adulthood, but as what I had access to were largely variants off of the Western Occult Tradition (which I do not adhere to), it didn’t really stick.  Is there anything more terrifying — or guilt-and-paranoia-inducing — for example, than thinking that you and you alone have control over and responsibility for everything you experience?

I also know that my brain is a bit hobbled where it comes to belief…but what if it wasn’t, actually, a belief — but a hypothesis?

Recently, I’ve been troubled by the thought that this life is some sort of a test.  Yes, there are bad things happening in the world, but what am I doing about them?  Would it matter if I got involved?  Disproportionately, so?  Am I supposed to be a person who changes things?  How much power do I have, ultimately?  Is this experience playing out for me, and this is the reason for my existential isolation?

I have made brief mention of this before (I think?)…in my darker times I’ve been helped by the belief that I exist, and continue to exist, for a reason.  That reason is to give voice and form to the spirits who have helped me survive, and their messages.  This requires that I keep an open mind, and it requires, for the generation of forms, creativity.

Because it requires creativity, I am, in this life, human — there may be no other species on the planet positioned quite as well to create diverse forms.  We have the ability to conceptualize, to think, many of us can write and read records of what has come before us, we have the ability to make things, and most of us have the seed of empathy.

The journey to get to this point has been a long and involved one; but I realized, the last time I was in a slump, that my life is not without worth.  I can do things most others can’t.  And my talents can be devoted to service of that which has helped me survive.  The spirits who have helped me may be wise, but without bodies to be heard within and from, they have no voice.

In turn…I have sensed a network (or “working family”) of these beings, whom I am tied in with as a Creator.  I know that I do not know all of them, though.  I also know that I need to watch out to retain myself when I work with them.  It is easy to let myself go and forget who I am…which is why I needed their help, in the first place.

The major reason I have felt I could not put my skills to work in a commercial endeavor is the feeling that I have been gifted.  Since I was young, I’ve had skills in visual arts that are not explainable.  This “talent” is something I’ve felt to be sacred and relatively inviolable, which is why I have decided against work as, say, a Graphic Designer.  Right or wrong, I’ve felt that the drive to make money would lead me away from my vision and squander or corrupt my talents.

I think I’ll need to meditate on this.  It’s been a very long time since I’ve consciously attempted to do so…but re-opening those channels may be something I need to do.

Maybe it would help me get back to work.

And maybe my magic(k) can be to add my voice to reality in a way which points a way out of the evil path others seem to be taking us down…


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Haru ("Codey") is a third-year Master's student in Library and Information Science, hoping to find a way to fuse their desire to make the world a better place and to finance their art.

2 thoughts on “Allowing, for the moment, myself to question:”

    1. Hi Becca,

      Wicca is one of those things that is sometimes mistakenly labeled. I have been in on conversations (years ago) where people had been stating Llewellyn Press was pushing authors to change the word “Pagan” to “Wiccan,” etc. If you already know about this, no worries.

      Personally, I’m fairly certain I fall more into a Chaos Mage category, though they may be out of style now. 🙂 They had a web presence some time ago, but they were hard to find even then unless one knew the right keywords to search (and it generally was *not* “Chaos Magick,” as the movement was known by).

      Hmm. I wonder where they are, now…

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