What a difference not-writing makes, eh?
I’m becoming much more aware of what happens when I don’t write every day. I still have my Random Thoughts journal…which is in the blue book I meant to begin a larger project within (the “how to survive when you have a brain like mine,” project). The major issue with this is that I have been feeling it is a large risk for me to put those latter thoughts to paper (or keyboard)…at least in a place where they may be seen (as when I may take this book and write within it, in public).
The positive thing is that, without the grounding of writing something related to hard reality each day, my thoughts are actually breaking free of the limitations of what I see as the physicality of my situation. I am not sure if this means that I’m breaking further from reality or not…
In particular, I slept for quite a while today. I’m trying to keep my immunity up, as yesterday was particularly weird where it came to trying to keep hydrated (I had a sore throat, and trouble speaking, for no discernible reason except dehydration…but I ended up drinking at least 36 ounces of water at work).
While I was asleep, I found a…recurrence of a bit of a story I had been thinking about for years as a teen and young adult. It started out as a response to vampire fiction (I was that young), then moved into urban paranormal fantasy. At this point, I’m seriously considering making it about aliens — because it is, basically, about aliens and alienation, hidden worlds, etc.
I have two lead characters…one of whom is human, one who is not. (In my Creative Writing program, we were given a quote which said that writing a book was a disease that you’re only cured of once the piece is finished…but I can’t remember who it was attributed to, or the exact wording.) The second started out as a strong side character, but that…led into more. He had the ability to enter and determine the environment of dreams…and in this, his character design was clearly non-human; his reach and interactions, fairly intimate.
It would be interesting to write this. There is that thing about Proxima Centauri b being within the habitable zone for life, though at this point in our technological development, it would take until 2060 to hear back from any probes. Meaning, obviously, that by the time we hear back, most of us who are presently cogent enough to understand the significance of this, will be either old or dead. But something like that could be used as an excuse to write a story which may actually not be sci-fi (as to be sci-fi, I’ve heard, it has to actually be possible), but rather paranormal urban fiction involving aliens.
I find it very, very interesting, the way my thoughts have turned when I’ve had to keep them inside, and have not been presenting them to anyone. Because of the lack of fear of judgment, I’m able to do certain things like fundamentally question key foundational tenets of belief systems which I had previously held without question. Like the idea that actions taken in the past determine the future; that time is linear and only flows in one direction. That everything in the universe is built upon and explainable via rationality and logic. Or, and I was working on this one before — that the Universe is inherently moral.
I was having a conversation with M the other day where I said that it doesn’t matter if every decision made in a philosophical system is completely on it and accurate, if the fundamental tenets of the stance (or “canon”) are flawed. If the fundamental givens aren’t accurate to reality, everything that unfolds from that point is also not accurate to reality, and the philosophical system may cease to apply to reality in any beneficial way.
I’m thinking that fiction writing might actually be a good place to work some of these issues out. Once I start breaking fundamental rules of thinking, it helps to be able to work at this from several different angles (as I am not entirely certain that any one of them is correct, nor should I be).
So…maybe I’m migrating back to fiction as my art or craft of choice? I’m not certain. What I do know is that the dream I had impacted me fairly severely, in a beneficial manner. …And hey, maybe I want to start work again on character designs.
I should also try and work some of this out in my head, so I can try and parse what the story is actually about…not to mention its optimal length, and format…
…and I should consider giving at least one of my characters the trait of being impacted by mental illness. Guess which one…