It’s been a few days since I wrote, last. In the interim, I’ve tried reaching out to one of my old classmates from the Art program (still haven’t heard back), and ran across the head of my old Art Department, at work. I also have found that I will need to talk to my Head Librarian about the possibility of work-study from the job I already have.
So far as University goes…I’ve realized that if I’m doing a distance-learning program, I will need to keep all of my own records, organized. I started mapping out what requirements the classes I’ve taken so far will cover. Also — from within the basic program, I may not be able to (or want to, for that matter) take as many technical courses as I thought I wanted, prior to getting a slightly better feel for the LIS (Library/Info. Science) terrain.
I did sign up for two classes which looked interesting (beyond my required core course), both of which prepare me for being a Public Librarian. I’m very aware that I’ve said I don’t want to work in a Public Library for the rest of my life, but my interests and work experience aim me in this direction, ironically.
Today has been fairly quiet. I am finding a bit of reluctance to revisit the mandala I was making, although in the process of making it, I did come to a metaphysical “realization” (or vision/hypothesis, rather); which was fairly profound, and a new synthesis of a number of philosophical threads I’ve been working on for years.
I didn’t feel quite ready to post it, here. If I did post it here, I’m not exactly sure what I’d be after, by doing so (except maybe trying to pay it forward and/or have a preserved record of my thought). I’m not wanting to show off, that is, and I have a Jain-like drive to not want to unintentionally lead anyone astray, in case I’m wrong. There is also the potential for misuse…like the Theory of Relativity leading to the hydrogen bomb.
Hence, the reason why I wrote what I did to a friend…but response times take longer through email, than here. That email was pretty gigantic, too…I think I counted three pages when I transferred it back over to my own archive. (I just checked: it spills over into a fourth page. Sorry!)
I probably should have asked about his tolerance for reading and talking about spirituality, before I sent a metaphysical tract…
And I really do want to get back into working on that mandala, but I think I’m having a little bit of fear coming up now (sometimes art influences writing, sometimes writing influences art; and sometimes either one can introduce profound psychological changes). I’m thinking that what I’m finding…is that I’ve stumbled upon my life mission — which is, in short, to be creative.
This brings up two new threads, though: one, I can’t predict the consequences of that which I create; two, I cannot predict how what I create will change me or the world.
If I were a more adventurous type, I would say that this would be the fun of it; but right now I am more in a place of having some knowledge or thought or suspicion that the good thoughts I have come from somewhere in effect external to my waking thought process. I’m aware that not everything I think is sourced from the small egoistic “I”, that is, and so when that’s confirmed, it can be a bit challenging.
Anyhow. What I want to do right now is go and work on my mandala, so I think that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve also got to remember that I can look in my career books if I run out of reasons to stay awake. 🙂