I’m back! 🙂
I was talking about this dilemma over dinner — the feeling that I could be doing more with my mind than I’m doing now, and than I will be doing if I turn out to be a Clerk for my main steady employment.
One of the main reasons I’d migrated away from the possibility of working in the sciences is the lack of a steady paycheck. I was told that I’d continually have to write grant proposals and that my employment would be based on the work for which I could obtain funding.
Well, there’s this, and the fact that if I were working with anything hazardous at all, I’d have to be able to trust the other people on my crew. Not so much a concern when banding birds, but where it comes to Chemistry, yes, that requires a certain level of professionalism. Which…I did not get good vibes about with people pointing test tubes in my direction, and attempting to burn pennies, in my high school Chemistry classes. (That is: do I want to be in a Chemistry class with a bunch of 19-year-olds? Even 19-year-olds who have gotten into State Universities? No. Living in a dorm with a bunch of 19-year-olds was enough.)
And then there’s M, who was originally an Ecology major, albeit in the 70’s…her experience led me to the thought that people majoring in the hard sciences did not have enough exposure to the Humanities to allow the working environment to be equitable for minorities. I was ill enough the first time through college that this thought kind of embedded itself. Taking classes in Sociology probably didn’t help, as in my case it fostered paranoia about structural inequalities…not something which really assists someone who is impacted by multiple interacting minority statuses and who has been abused for same. I was just taking the classes to try and figure out why people had been so mean to me — not because I was a “social” person.
But I suppose there is a form of elitism at the University level. Maybe they didn’t think that people like me would get in, like Virginia Woolf apparently never imagined an African-American (or anyone sympathetic to African-Americans) would try to start to read Orlando. Or maybe she did, and that’s why there’s a scene of a Moor’s head being hacked to pieces (by our main character) on the first page.
But I digress.
I’ve realized at this point that I don’t have the right skill set at this time to be a scientist, even though that was the aim of my secondary-school training. However, I do have something of a knack for writing, art, and photography. Botanical photos could be something I could do. A lot of what I was doing today was basically acquisition of images to either inspire or assist with later artworks.
This is what got me to the point…maybe…of realizing how beautiful nature is — even when it is managed and tended by people.
It could very well be that it’s my aesthetic senses which are leading me to wish to work with living beings. It’s not just the visual which is impacting me, here. It’s the smells, the humidity, the coolness of the air, the interaction of the various living beings. Just the feeling of being around life is different than being in my house writing this, as I am now.
Of course, with the drought, this isn’t a great time to be starting a new garden. Actually, *never* is a good time to start a new garden, here — at least not without deer-resistant plants. We have the wild plants, and then the grasses, and some established fruit trees, but the yard is mostly not tended. If it were, I’m sure it would have been gnawed down to the ground or had its roots eaten or dug up several times already — there are a lot of animals around at night. Luckily, they’re mostly insectivores, but then there are the freakin’ deer — and the raccoons.
I’ve actually gotten the idea more than once of starting a little flock of quail or chickens in the yard — from the time when we had a little flock of either wild or feral quail who would visit our yard at dawn and dusk. They’re super cute, but they need to be protected — the little flock that used to come around eventually dwindled and disappeared…and I have seen henhouses for sale, though obviously those would be for chickens. I was surprised at how small some of the adult chickens were! …I’m thinking that if I kept chickens, though, it would be for eggs and compost, not meat. I don’t know how I’d be able to face the rest of the flock if I killed and ate one of them…though I might feel better about it if the chicken were tasty. 😛 I suppose I could do the spiritual thing and thank the animal for giving its life for me…
This time at the Fair, there weren’t any quail chicks, or I would have tried to photograph them. There were what appeared to be chicken and turkey chicks, though. I wasn’t able to get a shot of them still enough for them to be un-blurred…especially the little baby chickens were cute. I don’t have a video, but they were making these little tiny peeping noises the whole time. 🙂
Kind of makes me want to move out to the country and start a tiny farm…where…I guess I could be a Clerk and either write or make art? Ehhh…
Okay, I need to stop being stuck on “Clerk.” But still…if I thought it would be culturally tolerable, I would consider moving to a rural area. Last time I tried it, it was really difficult for me because of the lack of support for my culture(s). Still a beautiful place, though. Just, no authentic Japanese food for miles…