I started this draft while I was on lunch, but didn’t have time to finish it:
I probably should have brought one or more library books with me…as it is, all I’ve got right now is my sketchpad and a mechanical pencil. Granted I could draw, but the inside of the break room isn’t that inspiring to me. Considering what I whipped out last night while I was trying to sleep, though, I’m thinking that the drawing classes really are paying off.
This was a plan to embellish the lower part of my altar table with a removable (and washable) skirt, so that I wouldn’t have to worry about dust collecting on seldom-used items, so often. I have some translucent fabric with a pink pattern on it, that I think will work well. (I’m not planning on using it for anything else, at this point, unlike the indigo batik that I originally thought of.)
I also got the idea of hanging a batik on the wall over that table. Generally it isn’t used for candles and the like as much as it once was, so fire isn’t a big issue. But I’m thinking of getting a more practical seat for the floor (as versus the zafu/zabuton that’s there now — I kind of don’t want to spoil that for meditation [plus the zafu isn’t all that comfortable]), and using that space as a craft and/or art haven. It would help if I used the shelf under the altar to store things like colored pencils, or markers. Already I have a little mini-jewelry-instruction library going on, right there, which has sat unused for months.
I used to sit on the floor all the time as a kid; the reason I don’t do it so much now is that my back can’t take being hunched over some project on the carpet for long stretches of time, like it used to. Nor can I really lay down on the floor and prop myself up on my elbows and work like that, on even beading projects, anymore. But it’s possible that I might find a comfortable seat and just sit up there with my stones and candles and my Rabbit fetish (it’s a little Zuñi stone carving, housing a spirit who helps with creativity), and just draw. The Rabbit fetish — ha! M bought that for me when I was 11 years old or something. He’s just really precious. Not the stone he’s made of, but …just, the sentiment.
I saw him in a case at a Native American boutique in my area and found him really cute. Because the fetishes are supposed to be more powerful when they’re gifted as versus when they are bought for oneself, M bought this for me and gave it to me. He was my first fetish, and probably at this point is my primary one. I also have a Rattlesnake which comes in handy when I’m feeling threatened, but I haven’t needed her help for some months. (Rattlesnake was bought more for her striking presence than for authenticity; Rabbit, I know was actually made by a Zuñi craftsperson, blessed, etc.)
And no, I don’t know if there is any proscription against having two totems that would conflict with each other in the wild…
I’m pretty sure I gave Raven away to a friend. Maybe I should check up and see how he’s doing. The friend, too. 😉 Raven is connected with sorcery, which is very much not what I need to be doing right now, or what I ever had a need to be doing. Raven showed me this by giving me a premonition of his breaking on the day before he slipped out of my hand and broke. I bought another one, but I could tell that he was saying to give it a rest. So the new one went to my friend.
While I’m thinking on Rabbit…there was a point in time when I was feeding this fetish. They take offerings of cornmeal, so for a while there I was putting a tiny bit of cornmeal in a tiny little dish I’d made out of air-dry clay, and giving it to him. I wasn’t really certain how that was supposed to work. In any case, I can see that the sentiment is a good one.
The time during which I was feeding this fetish was the time when I was really obsessively creative; writing or drawing all the time. Rabbit helps with that, but maybe it got a bit out of hand??? It’s possible. And, no, I didn’t connect being hyper-creative with feeding the fetish until years after the fact. From what I’ve read, though, Rabbit is also connected with fear. Does this not sound like me. Right.
I eventually stopped feeding him because it was getting a little scary for me, but maybe it shouldn’t have been. I mean, like, out of all the fetishes to have, I got Rabbit. I never really kept rabbits (I only had one in the classroom during Summer School), but I would think them to be pretty dang gentle, right?
I’m thinking that maybe I should be taking a look back at this…in my system, there is nothing that really indicates that a spirit of creativity wouldn’t exist. Actually, there is more of a sense that one would and that it would be able to be contacted, given the right methods. I should probably do some research on it, though, to be safe. Question is, when do I re-initiate contact…
Plus, yeah, do I really make him another pouch so I can carry him around with me as my totem?
Okay, am I getting a little too sweet over this? I’m sorry. 😉 I just frikkin’ love my little Rabbit.
And what does that mean??? you ask. I…am not entirely sure!
One other thing that I just remembered: Rabbit may have a connection to love, which is something that I was really into as a youth (when I thought I was lesbian). It’s gotten tons more complicated since then, but maybe inviting that energy back into my life would be good/healing on that level, too.