Train of thought…

As things go, I have been intensely busy for the last week.  I’ve been reading a lot of material in art, studying a lot; though much of this is visual research.  There’s a lot of educational material that I’ve been made privy to which I did not think to look for, and probably would not have thought to look for, for a very long time.

The positive part of this is that, even though it’s a lot of work — I estimated earlier that I’m committing to an expected load of between 40 and 50 hours a week — I don’t really mind doing the work.  It’s engaging in a way that left-brain-type work is not.

I need to make an appointment with my Figure Drawing professor to ask her about whether the way I’m drawing now is compatible with animation and quick poses.

I have a lot of trouble understanding things in the way that she wants us to draw them.  That is…I can draw figures, but aside from placing the landmarks of head and feet on the page, it’s difficult for me to see the figure as this one object taking up space, because then I feel like I have to get the proportions and position of each body part right.  Without using line and edge, visualizing the angles at which things meet each other and how big the internal shapes are in comparison to each other, I have a hard time visualizing what I’m trying to draw.

Though I do suppose that it may just be part of how my brain works, in that I can start from a small area and work outwards, and things are proportional and at correct angles and lengths and appear to hold volume.  I don’t quite understand how to set landmarks in a blank space with little to no prior reference, and have things work out to be, well, legible.  It probably didn’t help that the model was doing some complicated poses.

I can upload a couple of my best drawings, and try and get some feedback — but I’m thinking that because of lighting considerations, I should schedule that for either Sunday or Monday.  All I have right now are charcoal drawings, and some of those are double-sided (hence, marked up) because I forgot my newsprint pad and had to take paper from class.  Maybe I can give some back…I tore out at least 20 pages of my pad (it’s not a good pad), hoping that I’d be able to leave the bulk of it at home, but as things go now, I’m concerned about running out of paper next class if I *do* take just those pages.

I have been getting support from M, though — I think she can see I’ve been doubting myself — so that’s been nice.

It’s also nice to have an external outlet for the creativity.  Since I’ve been able to work visually, it’s been easier to not worry about the spiritual stuff so much.  Although — it would probably still help if I got back to that book on Channeling that I bought last semester.  I’m finding that a lot of creativity, when it entails expression, puts one into a very vulnerable place.  I’ve also found that not everyone can tolerate that vulnerability.

And not everyone is tolerant enough of their own imperfections to be able to do this — I’ve known some very critical and hostile people, and if that is on all the time, it’s very easy to turn it on oneself.  That can hamper creativity, if it doesn’t destroy it.

Given as well that I set this as my life mission after my last severe bout with depression…it’s fairly apparent, given some thought, that I would arrange my life around my creativity.  One of the links I was presented with led to a blogger on WordPress who is an Art teacher and answers questions from students routinely.  One of the questions had to do with financial stability as a freelance illustrator.  The blogger said that most successful illustrators she knew had part-time jobs which provided steady income, while working a second job doing their art.

That post is here.

I had actually thought, initially, of becoming a Library Assistant and working part-time in order to pay my bills and finance my art (as well as keep me close to various kinds of illustrated books), and then working as an Illustrator the rest of the time.

I could probably also pull an Administrative Assistant position as well — and hey, it might pay better.  Plus, I might get to use my Writing skills and my Business training.  But in order for that to be successful, I’d have to really…recover a bit more from all the sexual harassment I’ve experienced over the course of my life, because I’ve been told to expect it there.  It might not be as big of a deal, though, if things continue as they are now and my air deflects a bit of the sexual attention.

That could actually be really cool, yeah?  Especially if I worked as an AA within a Publishing firm…that could actually be pretty awesome, really!

That would be awesome.  Maybe I should be looking for internships…even though I graduated almost a decade ago!

Well — look for internships, either after I finish the Art and possibly Multimedia Arts training, or take a lower class load?  As things stand, after earning my Certificate(s) and finally exit college, I should be able to hold down one part-time job and look for an internship — or attempt to apply directly to a job, so I can keep working on my art.  I’ve heard that things go downhill when one doesn’t practice.

Actually, skirting an internship seems to be the more realistic approach…I’m no longer 23, after all, and I would have some clerical experience from the Library.  In the meantime, I could enter the County temp pool, or I could try and become a Clerk within the Library and/or County system, first, as well (actually, there is no distinction once one applies as a Clerk, between the County and the Library).  That could then be a stepping stone to a Clerk job within the Publishing industry.  I should ask.  That could be fruitful.

And actually, one of my siblings’ old friends does work with me, and does seem to be pursuing the Art + Clerical combination.  I hadn’t thought of it, but I should talk with him, too.


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Haru ("Codey") is a third-year Master's student in Library and Information Science, hoping to find a way to fuse their desire to make the world a better place and to finance their art.

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