And…I find myself back here again.
To be honest, even though it’s cold and raining, it wasn’t a bad day today. I had a bit of time to hang out at the library, and so accordingly, I now have a stack of 8 books to read. Four of them are on the craft of writing itself, and four of them are either literary or science fiction anthologies.
I’m thinking that if I actually do get back into writing, it’s probably going to be close enough to literary work (as I was trained into) that it wouldn’t end up in the sci-fi section. This is just what I gather from having looked through the sci-fi section. I’m not really a Dungeons & Dragons or other roleplay-turned-fiction author. Unless, that is, my intention is to point out glaring flaws in the logic of said roleplay, and how real-world prejudice plays out in text-based RPGs.
I could never stay in those games for very long, because I’d always choose to be a demon — not because I wanted to be a villain, just because I had empathy towards demons. Then everyone else wanted to attack me and accuse me of things I didn’t do, and then the moment I started to get angry and fulfill their desire for me to attack, they would say “See! See! I told you s/he couldn’t be trusted,” which is very obviously (to me) too close to real-world race relations.
One’s race doesn’t determine one’s disposition. Needling someone until they lash out in anger and then getting righteous to the point of feeling good about humiliating and punishing them, and then after they’re dead going “maybe I was wrong”…it’s stupid. My putting myself into that position was playing the bull in a bull fight, when maybe the bull never intended to harm anyone, but was simply typecast and tortured into fulfilling his role because he had the misfortune to be born a bull (and if he didn’t want to be in a bullfight, why did he choose to be born a bull? you ask, which assumes too much in a realistic situation). That’s not why I started to play, that’s not what I wanted to play, and that’s not the game I intended to play. Race does not equal disposition, guilt or lack of guilt.
But what did I expect, from those particular boards…
In any case, I’m very much hoping to avoid the werewolf/vampire tropes. Hoping. My first major attempt at writing, when I was a kid, was a ghost story. Of course it was way underdeveloped, and I didn’t know how it would end or even really what it was about. 🙂 But it taught me some skills at writing. If nothing else, I can type wicked fast, now.
I’m thinking that if I do get back into writing, approaching things from a Buddhist perspective may help, given that duhkha (and its attendant flaws) are nearly universal in Buddhism, and things are always changing. This is as versus having things be at such a state of peace that nothing ever happens — which I’m a bit concerned about, now that I’m older and more psychologically balanced. Dynamism — as versus stillness — is kind of required for a plot to happen. 🙂 It’s possible that I might be able to work some kind of flow into it, drawing off of Daoism, but I’m not betting on it. Of course some flow has to happen, but so far as Wood being transformed by Fire into Earth, or running off of the Yi Jing (though that’s a great idea)…that’s a little distant.
And also, maybe the concept of …not prajna, what is the term?…dharma, as I am starting to grasp in both Hinduism and Buddhism (they differ), could help me here, though I take that more loosely, as in an eagle’s dharma is different from a deer’s. I’m just thinking that it’s unproductive to measure and judge an eagle according to deer standards, even though I’d think that most of us would find the deer to be more “virtuous” because it does not need to kill a thinking being in order to continue to live.
Yeah, maybe I should take a look at that. And especially look back at The Tibetan Book of the Dead, and possibly try to read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Again. Someone recommended the latter to me, probably about a decade ago, now. I suppose the worst that will happen is that either 1) I’ll turn Buddhist, or 2) I’ll have to stop reading it. I don’t really have any intention to deal with Vajrayana, but Mahayana on the other hand…I’ve suspected myself to have past-life involvement with. I have some experience with picking up religious objects in the veins of Tibetan Buddhisms, though, and I don’t know — maybe my vishva vajras (I have two of them because they’re beautiful) will allow me to wear them again. It just feels wrong when I don’t consider myself Buddhist.
Of course, though, then we have materialism and consumerism advocating for religion, which is not what I want to get into. A reason why I haven’t worn my vishva vajras for over a year. I feel like they don’t want me to wear them when I have not committed, and when I in fact do not understand and sometimes reject bits of Buddhist doctrines. Unqualified karma being used to blame those whom unfortunate incidents happen to (as “deserving”), and the concept of sentient beings being used to enable the preferential killing of “non-sentient” beings (say, carrots), being among the top two. Killing is killing, and bad things happen. We don’t control the latter, and we can’t help the former. What we can do is reduce our harm and impact and the effects of our malice on those around us, and that I can get in line with…when it isn’t taken to extremes.
But maybe I should go back to my Tibetan gift shop for those two gifts I’m getting. I suppose no one’s perfect; I think as much has been said.
In any case, I might also be able to use what training I gain in Art to effect in my writing. I have met some really interesting people in this last class, and I get the hint that both writers and artists are known for eccentricities. Maybe the setting will be in an Art-influenced community, and it can have Buddhist themes? While still retaining a paranormal core.
Haha, scary. Okay, I think I’m ready to share this, now…