It could be the mid/post-holidays depression, anxiety about others, fighting off my own cold, and too much GITS:SAC soundtracks talking, but one thought has arisen in my mind which merits recording:
It wasn’t that when I was at University, that I particularly wanted to be a writer, more than that I knew I was skilled at it and that it was the only constant in my life, at the time.
“only constant in my life” ≠ “I want to be employed doing this”
“I want to be employed doing this” ≠ “I can be employed doing this”
And so the thought arises of going somewhere with my career which has nothing directly to do with writing.
The problem with this scenario is that entering a different career takes either assessment of skills or building of skills, and my financial status…causes me some worry. I have 10 years’ worth of credit card debt, accumulated while I was in college and after I got out and still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. (I went back to community college instead of on to a job.) It wasn’t much per month, but the constant accrual of principal and interest, on top of not having had a paying job, builds up.
On top of this…the fact that my present living situation is tenuous has just really been triggered to the front of my mind, again. That is, if my living situation is upended, and I have to take a full-time job to support myself as a necessity, what would I do? This is considering that the only reason to continue on in the Library is that I already have experience working there. I don’t want to work in sales or customer service, considering that the public service part of my job is the least favorite part of my position. And that only becomes more of a problem, the higher up I move in the ranks. I probably could make a fair Administrative Assistant, but then I don’t really want to put up with routine sexual harassment, either.
There is always this thing going on in the back of my mind about going back to University and becoming a biochemist. Then I could work for a pharmaceutical company in developing new medicines and treatments. I know there’s a need for this. I know I keep having recurring dreams about it. It’s just that the math + science aspects of it are a bit scary to me. I was never really poor at math or science, but they take some brain-stretching to understand.
When I first went to college, my intent was to study magmatics…then I got in and found that there was so much more that I had never had the opportunity to learn about which I wanted to know about. Following a Hard Sciences track would not have given me time to study these things. Plus, if I wanted to be a Geology major, the paying jobs were in the oil industry, and it very much went against my ethics to do that. But come to think of it, if I worked for the pharmaceutical industry, there would likely be animal testing, which is not something I think I’d rest well with, either.
I did remember that it isn’t true that my last engagement with math, before Calculus, was Pre-Calculus in high school. It was Statistics, back when I thought I’d be a Sociology major, and had to fulfill a math requirement for admission to my second University. (I got a C, and I’ve forgotten most of it by now.)
Art is the option before me right now, though I am questioning that path because of the unstructured nature of my free time. It’s necessary to produce if I want to have a job as a commercial artist. If I don’t produce, I don’t eat. If I worked in Advertisement, there would probably be no lack of jobs, but this calls up my uncertainty in bolstering capitalism. I suppose I do already spend money (and sometimes happily so), though, so why am I uncertain about getting paid to keep commerce going?
Because I know the system is flawed. Way too many people are left behind, and modern Marketing is questionable in its tactics. But I don’t think anything’s really as perfect as I would want it to be. I’ve tried the Library, which satisfies my ethical requirements, but has way too many drawbacks for me to want to stay there.
And then there’s the possibility of becoming an Illustrator, for graphic novels or kids’ books; but I don’t think that my existence has been quite virtuous enough to keep me out of the limelight if I got a job in the latter.
Maybe I should find a job in the art industry, you know? Not necessarily working the counter at an art supply store, but maybe assisting the companies that make the products that I use. It’s possible that working at an art supply store could give me inroads so far as knowledge about these companies goes, though. Maybe I could write sales documents, internal memos and outgoing letters for them, or something. That way I could combine the art and the writing, which are my two major skill sets. Or hey, maybe I could even draw original art for them that shows off their products?
This is probably a good place to stop, because I think I may have a plan.
Writing is a good skill to have. 🙂