Talking myself out of depression. Digital Imaging…or other tracks.

I’ve got that one drawing down, now.  One of my keywords was “formless,” so I ended up showing the subject of the composition via using negative space.  I’m thinking that it’s possible to use Fine Arts skills to feed into other visually-oriented work, particularly digital work.  Of course, this would probably be in the commercial vein, but that just seems to be the way things have to be unless you have others to support you.  A lot of people who do things I do, have a spouse to support them monetarily.  I have family, but that won’t last forever, and I have few if any prospects of partnering with anyone I can stand.  This is mostly due to my having been sealed up for a while as regards my personal life, which I had to break out of when I started the Master’s program for my job (I’m no longer in that program).

I’ve also just reviewed the classes gone over in the Web Design track (old version), and find myself really not interested.

I had been in Digital Imaging before I got my last job — around 2010.  That is much more up my alley.  I’m not sure, though, how much being an expert at image production and manipulation actually pays.  However — there is the chance to be employed in-house by an established firm.  I just don’t know how realistic that option is.

Otherwise, or in addition, I’m looking at Digital Photography and Printmaking, moreso at Printmaking, but Photography would help with initial images which could be utilized to create and/or brainstorm/source possible graphic elements.

The thought has also arisen of leaving my job and going back to school full-time.  But that’s not a great plan, as I’ve got credit and student loan debt already…and the credit debt keeps increasing as I charge things (I don’t feel comfortable withdrawing/carrying large amounts of cash) and then have to pay off both that and minimum payment at the same time just to stay afloat.  If I had no debt, I wouldn’t need a credit card.  But I have 14 years of accumulated charges and interest; and, frankly, I’m concerned, because if things keep going as they are, there will come a time when it will take my entire paycheck just to keep my debt from spiraling out of control.  I would not be able to use credit at that point without increasing my debt, and I would need all my cash to pay minimum payment, which would only reduce my debt slightly.

This is hypothetical.  It hasn’t happened yet.  But like I said, I’m concerned.  If I received student loans, I should be able to survive on that, and it would only be like 7% interest instead of 17%, or whatever awful number it is now (I’ve asked the person in charge of household finances and they do not know the exact interest rate, which makes me want to slam my head into the wall).

Plus, my job isn’t all that great.  The reason I’m still there is that my supervisor is awesome and my hours are very flexible.  But I don’t get paid much, I’m not using my full capabilities, and my job requires skills which are not my strong point.  I’m underemployed, basically, in a kid’s job that pays kid wages.  Nor do I want to stay in my present field, but I don’t know where else to go, because I don’t know what else to do, because this is the first job I’ve ever had.  I know that I really dislike certain parts of it — mostly dealing with irrational inebriated people and others who think I should serve them like the servant I am — but I don’t know what would be better because I haven’t experienced it yet.

I feel like the way out would have been the Hard Sciences, so I could work at Bayer or something as a biotechnician or biochemist, but my life has — and has had — so many deep questions that I didn’t feel I’d be doing myself justice by going down the Hard Sciences track to the exclusion of all else (as was demanded at both of the Universities I attended).  Like I said, the last time I took and completed a Math class was Statistics, sometime before 2005; the prior time I’d taken and completed a Math class was PreCalculus, in 2000.  If I wanted to get into the Hard Sciences…it would be intense.

I’d be taking Math, Chemistry, Physics, Biology.  It’s not like I’m not skilled at science.  But I feel like there are things beyond the reach of science in the state in which it exists today.  I suppose if I could keep my personal beliefs and my scientific mind separate, it wouldn’t be a problem.

It would just be a lot to make up.

The other option? is becoming a Professor of Eastern Philosophy.  Something I’m really, really into.  I just don’t have enough time to study, and sometimes I feel like it’s all a waste of time, even though I know that practice has healed me from the worst of my angst.  The nearest school I looked into takes 7 years to attain the Master’s and Ph.D. — there is no such thing as “just a Master’s,” other than failure at the Ph.D. level.  But I love talking about that stuff.  7 years.  I’d be 39 years old by the time I graduated.  In a ton of debt.

But I’d be set to be a professor of Eastern Philosophy.  At any college in the U.S.  And maybe then I’d be set to live in college towns with high numbers of A/PI students, meaning I wouldn’t have to worry about being away from my cultural community ever again.

Maybe I shouldn’t trap myself in corners.  Don’t be afraid to dream, right?


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Haru ("Codey") is a third-year Master's student in Library and Information Science, hoping to find a way to fuse their desire to make the world a better place and to finance their art.

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