I’m still not sure I believe all of this.
Since I seem to have run out of quotidian things to talk about, how about I risk alienating some of y’all with some of the spiritual process that was the seed of my “nebula” drawing?
This comes in the wake of reading a little bit in the book I bought on channeling. This is Opening to Channel by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I’ll spare you the story on how I ran across the book in the first place and will instead enter with this thought: I’m not sure if what the authors describe in the book actually is legitimate channeling (it is partially categorized under “Self Help”, which is not a genre known for being accurate to reality) but if it is (or even if it is not), I do it already.
Anyhow, a little while after I began reading the book, I began to get messages, which are normal for me. I’ve been iffy on sharing this information because I know it could cause unwanted ripple effects for myself in particular — a reason why I’ve disabled trackbacks and pingbacks. In addition, I have dealt recently with beginning to broach my philosophical/spiritual stance with an acquaintance, who basically wholly did not understand it or my reason for sharing, and because of that there is some awkwardness between us now.
The question for me — which I’ve been dealing with for years — is what a “demon” is supposed to be. I have found no consistent external definition which holds true between religions, other than something hovering around “powerful bad spirit thing.” I separate my definition of “demon,” in addition, both from religious definitions and from otherkin community definitions. This is what a “demon” is to me, not what it has to be to anyone else.
My prior information read that a “demon” was a “tester”, in specific a tester of ordered systems. This is not unlike holding a relatively identifiable role in relation to the Internet. What came next was unexpected; I think this is because it didn’t actually come from me. It did, however, answer my question.
This moved beyond “tester” stage to “tempter”.
I’m not really Christian, not into the Abrahamic stuff mostly, only with some exploratory forays into Qabalah and Ceremonial Magick, before the dependence on an alien system turned me off. So this was a little bit of a surprise. What stayed the same was the idea that demons — what I consider my actual demons in my actual situation; I don’t mean by this to implicate living people who identify with demons (which is a different dynamic) — test people by presenting them with options (usually ineffective or bad for them or someone else in some way), which they might not come to on their own. Kind of like the Bad Idea Bears from Avenue Q. Whenever a major act of hate or widespread destruction happens, regardless of the reasoning behind it, this is because someone failed a test. The Manhattan Project and what came of it comes to mind, among other obvious human-engineered disasters.
The demons themselves aren’t responsible for the action, so this isn’t really a Fallen scenario. In and of themselves…they’re influencers, so far as I can tell, but not necessarily actors. The link to be made here is that if all of us tried, we could stop this. The ones who actually commit the horrific actions usually are either oblivious, or think they are in the right. They also often seem to think that the thoughts which arise in their minds must come from them (and quite possibly may think they must be right just because the thought arose in their mind and they see themselves as incapable of fallacy).
In modern U.S. culture, outside of a cult I know of (and try to avoid) and its offshoots, there doesn’t seem to be much knowledge of the concept that not everything that runs through one’s mind has to be sourced from oneself writ small. Not only — in my case in specific — is not everything I think sourced from me, but not everything I think is true, and not everything I think can be believed or acted upon. In this sense I even hold this proposal in a middle state, because even though I experience the spirit from whom it came to be very caring and pure, I can’t be sure that my mind didn’t just make this up.
On top of this, another jump was made: demons, being incorporeal, can’t affect the physical level of reality themselves, so they get others to affect it for them. For a very long time they have infiltrated and influenced the very structures which would seem to fight against them (Crusades, Inquisition, etc). Not everyone who claims to be “Light” actually is acting from the Light. Not everyone who thinks they’re “Dark” actually is.
Some of them, like myself, have seen — what my guide calls “evil” (I try not to use that term) — contaminating the people who say they’re from the Light, and have set themselves up in opposition to these people, thinking the people who say they’re from the Light actually are acting from the Light, when they are not. Those who promote widespread suffering delude themselves if they believe they are of the Light. They sully the name of Light and can lead those of us who are able and willing to take a stand, to explore Darkness, before we find that answers are not to be found where one is willfully blind.
I’m not saying that all those of Dark inclinations are willfully blind; I was socialized into that place, after all, and as a consequence, with help, I’ve gotten to this one. However, my own experience shows me that there is a difference between emotion and knowledge. I did explore what I termed “dark religion” (to avoid stating particular groups) for some years, but I’ve seen the effects it has had on some others who explored more daringly than I, and I decided to give the Light a shot. In return I got this message.
Those who see themselves as “Light,” without a state of intuitive vigilance and mindfulness (much as I hate to jump on the “mindfulness” bandwagon — but I see that I will need to do so both with skillful listening and with art), can become pawns of what is essentially “evil” by not paying attention to the quality of their actions, and whether or not they bring more pain, suffering, and destruction than healthy joy into the world. These people attack those they see as Dark without realizing that they themselves are bringing the Darkness they fight against into material reality.
Or, I assume that they do not realize this. Perhaps they do, and they continue anyway because it “feels so good” to think one is superior to others, and to have an excuse to dominate and subject others to pain at the same time as they can feel good and right about themselves.
The reason I believe I got this explanation, in specific, is that Christianity is one of those things which I have historically been turned off to because of the hypocrisy, division, and hate that is allowed, celebrated, and encouraged within many Christian groups. Therefore, to allow the widest opening to love, I received a message which sounds Christian and at the same time came from a (legitimately) caring place. In addition — I’m not Christian, but a Christian-sounding message may access the widest number of hearts, at least in my country.
The way to guard against this tendency to give into the Dark is to remain mindful. I’m told never to break my code (I didn’t know I had a code), never lose my spiritual vision. Life doesn’t have to be as fraught with difficulty as it is; and it’s always been our task to create our present and our future.
All that said, I’m still not totally…cognizant of what to do with my own thoughts which do stray into “Dark” territory. It’s unquestionable that they’re still there; I’m just much more in control of myself and attentive to them as what they are, at this time. I’m thinking it’s the nature of the human condition to exist as free agents between the two camps (if there are only two; I suspect there are more).
It’s just that sometimes I really want to be on one side because of the quality of companionship, and at other times I get really angry at people for harming others and their finding (or pretending to find) joy in it. And there’s no question of there being rage there. But, as I learned early on, the problem of violence cannot be solved with violence. The meme travels from the punished to the punisher. It’s impossible to get rid of violence by enacting violence, but it seems to be the only way many people know how to deal with things they don’t like.
I believe the “personal duality” project that I have in words described above (i.e. the nebula drawing) was supposed to show an indeterminate state. Instead, it showed a state in which, for the moment, the light was driving back the darkness. It would be interesting to chronicle this in artwork.
I’ve eliminated trackbacks and pingbacks, but comments are open. If you’re respectful and I can tell pure intent (pure malice doesn’t count — I think you know what I mean), I may let you through.