I officially started trying to wean myself off of Prozac on October 10th, so I’ve been on a half-dose for about 9 days (though it takes about a month for dosing changes to take effect). Right now I can tell that my brain isn’t working too well. I want to be engaged in art, I have a group project that I need to work on, I have other schoolwork to attend to. But it’s hard to commit to any of that.
Although it is very apparent that I need to go through my backlog of digital images and do some curation.
Today I got up shortly after 2 PM, after having gone to bed at 11 PM the night before. Then I was so cold that I spent another hour and a half in bed, around sundown (the only thing that got me up was that I was being summoned to dinner, though I didn’t want to do that either). Supposedly, it should have been 74º F in the house at that time, but I was still really cold. And right now my eyes are burning, even though it’s only 9:15 PM here.
In short, I’m dealing with the same pattern I was dealing with before Prozac (becoming wiped out and going to bed in the middle of the day), only now I’ve likely got some initial withdrawal stuff and stress-related stuff on top of it. Which is why I wanted to get off six months ago, so I could adjust when I wasn’t in classes.
The positive thing is that it’s raining outside. This means that it wasn’t just me; it actually was dim and likely cold inside the house. The thermometer, unfortunately, isn’t great at relating when it’s 74º F inside and 44º F outside (thus heat is escaping from the house), and when it’s 74º F inside and 88º F outside (thus heat is radiating into the house). The two extremes of temperature feel different even though the thermometer says they’re the same.
I’ve also heard that I may have been cold because I was tired (though this usually doesn’t happen for me unless I stay up until 2 or 3 AM). I guess I did wake at 7 AM yesterday, got up at 7:30 AM, and didn’t lie down until 11 PM. I usually don’t run for 16 hours straight — even on a work night. Or, I don’t think I do, at least.
And my weight is still going up, but I’ve been hungrier than usual, for some reason. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was medication-related, but I’ve got to be honest with myself in that it also may be overwork- or depression- or stress-related. (I gained 7 lbs. in my first semester of the MLIS program, which is part of why I initially said I wouldn’t go back.) It could also be related to genetics, in which case I’m not all that upset. I’m only upset if it is related to being on medication (as the medication can also trigger insulin resistance and Type 2 diabetes related to weight gain).
Anyway…I am tired and I should likely get ready for bed, even though I just got up about two and a half hours ago. I ran myself too long last night and so didn’t get to take care of hygiene before passing out — meaning it’s relatively vital that I at least do so, tonight (no, I didn’t brush my teeth when I woke up at 2 PM).
In other arenas, I am really tired of my Digital Archives class (which is making it clear that I don’t want to become an archivist [too many rules, reminiscent of Cataloging], kind of like my management class made it clear I wouldn’t want to be a manager [managing people] and my public service classes made it clear that I don’t want a public-facing job in a Public Library [managing people]). The problem is that it’s a group-work class, so other people are depending on my doing my part on time; therefore, pressure. And I don’t get any time extension on group assignments…I think if my classmates had been paying attention, though, I remember mentioning that I had a mood disorder. Which is majorly what I’m dealing with, right now…although I haven’t consciously felt very bad.
Seriously…Web Development and Web Design look much shinier. So much ******* shinier that it’s hard to believe. I just don’t know if I’ll need even more specialized formal training in order to do it…and to be honest, even the math I might need, isn’t looking that scary, at this point.
(By that, I mean dealing with math is likely less frustrating than dealing with people…)